Some Hot Dishes

So Long!

2011-12-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

In the words of the immortal Von Trapp family, "So long! Farewell! Auf wiedersehen! Good night!"

It's been fun, but I gotta be honest - I'm tired and overwhelmed and with three kids (four, if you count the husband and honestly, I do) and a job - I'm outmanned, outgunned.... and outdone by the many, many great bloggers out there. I'm gonna let this Blog go. I appreciate all those who - whether you commented or not - stopped by and read. Perhaps I'll try again some day.

But for now, adieu, adieu to you and you and you - my three faithful readers. :)

On Break

2011-11-30T04:59:00.000-08:00

Sequins for Your Nails

2011-11-29T04:12:00.000-08:00

Unless you're one of the sparkling cast of "The Real Housewives," you probably don't wear sequins on a daily basis.

Deborah Lippman's "Stairway to Heaven" ($18) lets you inject a bit of daily shimmer in a tasteful, non-cable TV way.

Despite the hokey name, "Stairway to Heaven" is a delicate, glittery polish with iridescent shimmer. It's like sparkly snow for you nails.

The polish is pretty all by itself and wears well. Because it isn't a solid color, as it slowly chips and fades away, the polish still looks pretty good. And it is better to just let it go because it is a bear to try and take off.

All Out of Love

2011-11-28T04:03:00.000-08:00

Flashback: A year ago (see post here), I really, really liked these pants.

Now, I can't stand 'em.

Such is the fickle nature of fashion.

These J Crew chinos went overboard on the distressed trend — super ripped, paint-splattered — and when I pulled them out of the closet the other day and put them on, I felt incredibly.... silly. They looked goofy. That trend train pulled out of the station a looooong time ago. I feel like a nerd even putting them into the donation pile. I mean, is it obnoxious to donate ripped pants to the poor? I dunno, but it seems even more wasteful to chuck 'em. Perhaps I should sew up the tears.

But, we've all done it, right? Bought something uber trendy, only to turn on it later?

Friday Shoe Haiku: A Jimmy Choo Book

2011-11-25T04:48:00.000-08:00

A Jimmy Choo book?
That's what I'm talkin' about
'Cuz I can't wear 'em*

*or afford them.

Shoe n' Tell: Jimmy Choo makes some beautiful shoes that I can neither wear (too teetery, usually) nor afford. A new coffee table book "JIMMY CHOO XV," though, seems way more my speed. It looks at the 15 most significant shoes from the company’s archives and reflects on what has made them hallmarks of the brand style and renown. Pretty pictures of pretty shoes? Sign me up.

Happy Gobble Gobble

2011-11-24T05:05:00.000-08:00

In my family, Thanksgiving isn't a dress-up holiday.

We come to eat.

This seems like the appropriate way to be comfortable (stretchy pants!) and not look like a slob (stretchy pants!): Equipment twill shirt; Daftbird v-neck tee (my favorite, favorite, favorite white T-shirt in the whole wide world); Monrow silk drawstring pants; Jeffrey Campbell sandals (designed, obviously, before he got heavy into that overdone platform thing even '70s Cher would think twice about wearing).

Hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving. I am coasting — not hosting — so it's off to the in laws and balmy Phoenix.

What the...? Wednesday

2011-11-23T04:03:00.000-08:00

The Manolo Blahnik "Swan" is $1,295.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Every time I look at the pump, it gives me the willies because it looks like a spider creeping up onto an unsuspecting foot.

Bundled Up (for the Desert)

2011-11-22T05:55:00.000-08:00

It's been feeling positively San Francisco-like, with the damp breezes and chill. It's wonderful, especially since it gives me a chance to pull out warmer stuff, like cords.

Outfit: Splendid moto jacket; Converse One plaid shirt; J Crew trouser cords; Doc Marten Mary Janes; random red scarf.

A Traffic-Stopping OOTD

2011-11-21T05:21:00.000-08:00

No, it's not traffic-stopping because it's hoochie. It's traffic-stopping because of those bright yellow cords. They're as hue-riffic as a crossing guard's vest. Still, they make for good color blocking.

Outfit: Young Fabulous and Broke top; J Crew bootcut cords; Forever XXI rhinestone necklace; Etsy.com pyramid ring; watch ring; B Makowsky leopard bag; Jessica Bennett pointy-toe flats (that, truth be told, might be too pointy for me these days. Still trying to decide).

Friday Shoe Statement of Fact

2011-11-18T04:35:00.000-08:00

They went on sale, so I bought 'em.

Shoe n' Tell: Two months ago, I started lusting for these Born "Kai" sneaks (read here). After seeing them in person and trying them on, I had to have. I still can't guarantee that two pairs of leopard sneakers is enough.

Big* Bags

2011-11-17T04:49:00.000-08:00

*Yeah, the "big" in the post title refers to the price tags. Yowza. But boy I love a purty bag.

Topping the Best Bag List:
• This Botkier Eden bag's bright colors are fun and unexpected on such a classic shape. Now I'll just have to lurk the sample sales and hope this shows up for a fraction of its $595 original price.

• Put "Alexander Wang" and "bag" in the same sentence and that always adds up to triple digits. At nearly $800, the Jane bag is all that and two family-size bags of chips.

How'd She Do That?

2011-11-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

This is the coolest look — style goddess Taylor Tomasi Hill knotted a men's shirt to wear beneath a mini skirt. Love that.

I keep trying to blow the image up so I can figure it out. Did she tie the rest of it at her waist? How come all those uber fashionable types are the only ones who can layer with reckless abandon and not have lumps and bumps beneath their clothing?

Shopping For Dudes

2011-11-15T04:48:00.000-08:00

My husband rarely shops.

He finds the experience so painful (and when I'm with him, so do I) that he just doesn't do it.*

But, around this time of year, I feel charitable and so even though much of what I buy Mr. Picky Pants ends up getting returned (too stylish), I will still take a stab at clothes shopping for him.

This year, I decided to try cruising one of my favorite sites, Revolveclothing.com, for inspiration. But the dudes in the photos all look so.... goofy. I got distracted and found myself looking more at them and their odd poses (even they look like they feel stupid), that I couldn't take any of the pieces seriously. Doesn't the guy in the graffiti letterman jacket look just like he followed Joey's (from "Friends") "smell the fart" acting advice?!?!

*The one exception is Costco. Dude loves shopping at the big warehouse. But bringing home five years' worth of batteries and a pack of 80 pairs of socks doesn't count as quality shopping. In my book.

An OOTD....For Warmer Weather

2011-11-14T05:09:00.000-08:00

The weather has finally turned — there's a nip in the air! Rain!

And, I'm completely short-circuiting about what to wear.

As it hovered in the 80s — in fall — I cooked up super cute autumny ensembles. Now that it's chilly, I'm drawing a blank.

I did, however, buy this ultra fab Alexander Wang blouse on sale (with a code on top!), and I had grand plans to wear it beneath a jacket. But the top is so great that it's a shame to cover it up. Tried everything — tuxedo jacket, long black blazer, short Chanel-ish, studded jacket. Nothing looked right. So, I shivered long enough to take this photo to remember to wear it....in March.

Outfit: Alexander Wang zipper detail sleeveless shirt; J Crew "Minnie" pants; Me Too sandals; Club Monaco studded clutch; Forever XXI bracelet.

Friday Shoe Haiku: A Follow-Up

2011-11-11T04:57:00.000-08:00

So, what do you do
With traffic-cone orange tennies?
Well, wear them, of course.

Shoe n' Tell: I posted last Friday about these Tsubo sneaker wedges and was asked for an outfit. So, here's what I did: Line cardigan over a Forever XXI cami; Benetton long-sleeved gray tee; Mossimo Supply Co. cargos and those wacky orange shoes. The 6-year-old still thinks they're "silly." But, he also thinks plaid and tie-dye are a marriage made in heaven.

Shop — It's the Law

2011-11-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

So here's a website I never thought I'd be trolling. It's for the U.S. Marshals Service.

This email grabbed my attention when it arrived the other day. This is the top of it:

Convicted Embezzler Sue Sachdeva's Designer Shoes, Purses, Clothing Being Auctioned

WASHINGTON – Hundreds of items, including designer shoes, purses, and clothing, formerly belonging to convicted embezzler Sujata “Sue” Sachdeva are being sold via an online auction by the U.S. Marshals Service through November. The property, which includes brands such as Armani, Manolo Blahnik, Brooks Brothers, Chanel, Fendi, Gucci, Donna Karan, LAM and Louis Vuitton, was seized and forfeited in connection with the criminal prosecution of Sachdeva, who was convicted of embezzling $34 million from the Milwaukee-based company, Koss Corp. Auctions will run continuously through November, with the current sale of 101 lots ending Nov. 10, at www.txauction.com. Nearly all of the items are new, many with tags.

Well, hellloooo, Manolo.

Alas, Sachdeva's feet are bigger than mine, but if you're an 8.5, check out the site. Lots of Judith Leiber little bags, too.

Who knew?

There are also abandoned and impounded vehicles being auctioned off by the city of Austin, if that's more your speed.

Old-School Polyvore

2011-11-09T05:24:00.000-08:00

Move over, Polyvore.

Love the site, really. In fact, noodling around on it is one of my favorite time sucks even though I'm so impatient that I don't really figure out nice ways to layout ensembles. So, I've gone old-school — as in, craft-store sketch book.

Call it Polyvore 1.0.

I've managed to collect a few folders full of ripped-out magazine pages — cool clothes and shoes, hairdos I want to try, beauty products to investigate. Problem is, with the outfits anyway, I forget what exactly it was I wanted to duplicate. Ah, the joys of rapidly approaching senility. So, I bought a sketch book and plastered its pages with all my ideas, using pens to point out exactly what it was I thought looked neat. The journal looks incredibly juvenile because I am not especially artistic, but everything is together — and I remember why I saved it in the first place.

Get A Lift

2011-11-08T05:14:00.000-08:00

News to me: Neroli — aka orange — is a natural mood enhancer.

I'll take a double shot, thanks.

This time of year is a stresser with not one, not two, not three but four — FOUR — birthdays along with the holidays. Oy. I'm not even gonna think about how badly work will suck after a recent downsizing.

So, I've taken to huffing my lotion-slathered arms to feel less stressed. This is the cream causing me to do the quasi Mary Katherine Gallagher* routine — 100 Percent Pure's Blood Orange body cream ($15). It has that crisp, bright smell of a freshly cut orange. It's not too heavy and lasts just long enough for me to feel a smidge better about all the things that haven't been done yet.

Other nummy-smelling orange stuff:

•Evan Healy's Orange Blossom Facial Hydrosol. It's a tricky one to track down because it depends on the availability of orange blossoms. But, I have a rapidly-dwindling bottle, and now I'm going to use it quite sparingly. Nothing is more refreshing than a spritz on the face with this stuff.

•100 Percent Pure's Clementine Hand Wash ($11). Clementine, blood orange, it really all has that same brisk citrus smell, which is fine by me.

*MKG is an old "Saturday Night Live" character portrayed by Molly Shannon. Her main schtick was sticking her hands under her armpits and smellin' 'em. Almost makes "Dick in a Box" seem evolved.

Mad for Plaid

2011-11-07T05:33:00.000-08:00

Plaid is so fun.

It means a nip in the weather and hot cocoa and the holidays.

Here is a little ensemble created from a recent swap party find — a little plaid dress. It's a little short, so I paired with tights. An H&M vest and Stuart Weitzman boots AND

my new favorite tiki necklace polish things up. Tiki Timo is his name, and that whitish powder means he glows in the dark. It's from a local glass artist Bronwen Heilman, who creates the coolest stuff out of recycled glass.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Sporty Heels

2011-11-04T05:06:00.000-07:00

So, hip or goofy?
Gwen Stefani would rock 'em
I say so, so hip.

But, for a second opinion, my 6-year-old son says: "Silly."
Why, I asked.
"They're sneakers and they're high heels."
So, there you have it.
Shoe n' Tell: These Tsubo "Drilon" wedges were an impulse buy — $44 and free shipping and they're orange and they're sneakers with a wedge and...and...well, I needed them. Needed.

DIY: Cropped Pullover Shrug Thingy

2011-11-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

So, I did it.

Made good on my threat to attempt to make my own, way-cheaper-than-Alexander-Wang pull-on shrug/turtleneck hybrid (see yesterday's post). Not too bad, huh?

This was an old J Crew turtleneck. I cut it just above boob level and did a longer shirt-tail hem in the back. Didn't even need to hem it because the ends just roll up (something to note so that it doesn't end up too short). Beneath the homemade shrug — a C & C California tank top.

Oddsession of the Week: Cropped Sweaters

2011-11-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

Normally cropped shirts do nothing for me.

And yet, I love these cropped sweaters, especially the tan Alexander Wang — excuse me, the color's called "husk" — because it gives the appearance of a two-tone dress.

Perhaps the appeal lies in how these are cut — they're high, not right at the poochy belly — so it looks like a faux bustier. Cute. Also freakishly expensive — they're a third of a sweater but with triple-digit price tags. I dregged up an old black turtleneck and I'm gonna get all PS I Made This on it and see what happens.

Kevin Murphy Hair Resort — For That Beachy Look

2011-11-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

And to think of all those years spent perming.

But, in my defense, big hair and spiral perms were all the rage in college. If I'd only known back then the only thing I needed was the right product..... Ah, hindsight.

But, I found Kevin Murphy Hair Resort Beach Texturiser (sic — love those Aussie spellings) and so I'm thankful now that I've got the nice waves back. After tossing all my hair products laden with bad chemicals, I've had a hard time finding something that's clean and can still make my hair wave properly. This seems to be the stuff.

Like a light gel, it has a slight tangerine-ish smell. Oddly, it's really pretty stuff, too — kind of shimmery. You can use it either on damp hair and then diffuse or use it to finish and lock in curl after blow-drying. Good stuff.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T05:02:00.000-07:00

Even if you're dressed like a giant, pseudo-marshmallow treat, you can still look fashionable.

Have a happy Halloween, my peeps.

A Very Apologetic Friday Shoe Haiku

2011-10-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

So sorry, Dansko.
I talked smack, but I was wrong.
I so love these shoes.

Shoe n' Tell: So, in a recent post, I talked about my angst over kinda liking a pair of Danskos even though I worried that they were nurse-y and stodgy. Well, I had not seen this pair back then. I got a 6 p.m. sale notice and while trolling the site, saw
Dansko Rory, on sale for half price and free shipping. They reminded me of a much-beloved pair of Jessica Bennett high-heeled, lace-up oxfords with sexy cutouts. They were a fierce pair of shoes, so fierce that I bought them even though they were a full size too big. After my foot surgery, they were a size and a half too big. I rehomed them with a friend. I still think about them. But these, these are even better because they're comfortable! Cute, too. I take back what I said. I'm not wrong often, but I'll admit it when I am — especially if it's still to my benefit.

Oddsession: Varsity Jacket

2011-10-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

My dad tried to talk me into a varsity jacket a couple of times while I was in high school.

I wouldn't go for it.

I actually did have letters to put on it, but we had some nasty school colors (dingy, bad green and a puke-y gold) and besides, I didn't so much want a letterman's jacket as I wanted a boyfriend with a letterman's jacket. Yeah, that didn't really work out.

Fast forward, ahem, some years later and I have this insatiable desire for....a varsity jacket. It's the latest oddsession (see definition here). The chicks in the magazines all look so cool with the skinny pants and varsity jacket. Somehow I'm afraid I might look like I'm trying too hard since I'm fairly far removed from high school. Still, I love...

• Junior varsity jacket ($88) from ShopNastyGal.com (possible the worst-named clothing site ever.)

• Funktional's varsity jacket ($290). Almost too cool for school.

• This 3.1 Phillip Lim jacket with leather sleeves ($1,450) is just too cool for my wallet.

Sequins by Day

2011-10-26T04:03:00.000-07:00

I love sequins. Love, love, love.

But, when am I, a working mom, ever going to wear them? On the soccer field? On that one night every six months when I'm out past 6:30 p.m.? Wearing them to work is really my only option.

Sequins for day, though, is a completely doable look. This Express modal-cotton tank top is cream and has matte sequins, both of which tone down the chacha-ness of the sparkly look. Throwing on a military vest further de-blings.

Outfit: Georgie vest; Express (super sale!!) sequin tank; Old Navy skirt; Streets Ahead leopard cuff; Jeffrey Campbell sandals.

True Confession Tuesday

2011-10-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

I am tired of laundry. Sick and tired of it.

So this weekend, during load 29, I found a few items in the hamper that made me dubious of their dirtiness.

"No way did she wear that one all day!" I said, eyeing a sweater that couldn't possibly have been on longer than 10 minutes since the temperatures recently dipped into the 60s for about, oh, 10 minutes.

So, I folded it up and put it back. I sense a reduced amount of laundry in my future.

Hey, don't judge me — I did sniff it first.

* * * * * *

I think polygamy is cool.

Oh, those polygamists get a bum rap. But those wives have got it goin' on.

Think about it, ladies, if you had the choice, wouldn't you rather have a wife instead of a husband? I mean, when I have the day off, I'm racing around, trying to mop the floor and do dishes and basically just work to keep the health inspector from shutting us down. When he's home? Yeah, he's making fantasy football deals or playing video games.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind me a sister wife.

* * * * * *
And the deepest, darkest one of all...... Once, the Tooth Fairy may have been a little short on cash and, uh, how do I put this? She may have recycled money from the piggy bank to pay for a tooth.

Not-Quite-Martha-Stewart Halloween Decorating

2011-10-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

So, doesn't this look just so Martha Stewart — if she decorated trailer parks? Here is why you shouldn't automatically buy the 90-percent-off holiday stuff at Target, even though it is 90 percent off. This plastic Jack-O'-Lantern was, like, 40 cents, so I couldn't resist. Plus, it seemed green — you just stuff recycled newspaper into it. But, as you can see, it's slumpy and, well, lame. The only saving grace is that since it's been propped beneath a mesquite tree, it's now splattered with sap and kinda looks like it's been shot several times.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Knockoff Knockdown

2011-10-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

Can you tell the Frye?
When it comes to knock-off shoes,
Target does quite fine.

Shoe n' Tell: That top photo is the Frye Harness 12 R ($228). The pair right here is Target's Mossimo Supply Co. "Katherine" leather boots ($59.99). I tried the Frye boots on a few years back and loved, loved, loved. The Target version is a spot-on copy.

Splurge vs. Steal: Ruched Dress

2011-10-20T05:08:00.000-07:00

This Alice and Olivia mid-length ruched jersey dress is awesome. My friend bought it on sale, and now it's only available in budget-busting full price.

Express' rouched (sic) scoop neck dress is a more reasonable $49.90 — plus that store ain't stingy (there is always a coupon goin' on), so we'll overlook the misspelling.

A modal/cotton blend, this dress is soft enough and has the same side ruching as the A&O version. The A&O has some sexy, lump-covering extra butt ruching that this version doesn't. Though the Express dress comes in a bunch of other colors, the marled gray looks best because it gives a more casual vibe and, quite frankly, hides the cheapness of the fabric.

What the...? Wednesday

2011-10-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

Some of the weird stuff that's caught my eye this week...

This crazy Eugenia Kim scarf (with the ungodly price tag of $231) is so odd. It looks like something your mean grandma — if she hated you — would make and give you for Christmas.

I also don't understand this See by Chloe purse ($295) that looks like it was made out of one of those crazy-haired angora bunnies. This is not an outfit enhancement — it's animal cruelty to the polyester beast that died to create it.

Slice O Matic? More like LaZassOmatic. Seriously, slicing — MERE SLICING — is so hard that you need a special tool that will take you three times as long to wash as an ordinary knife?
You can't tell me that repeatedly pressing down on a handle is easier (or as satisfying) as slicing a blade through a cucumber. C'mon. Still, it is the cheapest of all these oddities at $19.99.

Husband Repelling Fashion

2011-10-18T04:37:00.000-07:00

Back last year when Alexander Wang's collection featuring these shorts came out, I had a photo of 'em up on the computer.

My husband, who rarely offers any kind of fashion-y opinion and can barely buy his own clothes (forever plagued by indecision), declared them the "most hideous clothing item" he'd ever seen. Now, that's really saying something coming from him.

Well, call me the Husband Repeller, because I bought these bad boys on eBay and I love 'em and I think they make my legs look skinny and while I'm moderately flummoxed by what to pair with 'em, they are wicked cool to me.

Outfit: Anthro button-back top; La Mer leopard watch; Faryl Robin shoes.

Mix n' Match

2011-10-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

My attempt at pattern mixing: MinkPink striped cardi; random leopard scarf; C&C California tank dress; DV Dolce Vita boots from Urban Outfitters.

And on an unrelated side note.... This is how confused I am — I forgot last Friday was Friday and that's why I posted a Splurge vs. Steal instead of a Shoe Haiku.

Splurge vs. Steal: Lace Jacket

2011-10-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

This Elizabeth and James lace jacket seemed like the perfect way to incorporate the lace trend. I say "seemed" because its original price tag was in the realm of monthly private school tuition — $500. Yikes. A bit high for a trend.

This ASOS open lace cardi, though, is a great substitute. The price is certainly right at $26. SOrry — I think I got the last one.

Great Googly Moogly — A Leather T-shirt

2011-10-13T04:39:00.000-07:00

If you dress like a badass, you will be a badass.

That is my goal with this bitchin' Muubaa leather tee.

C&C California's Perfect Little Dress

2011-10-12T04:32:00.000-07:00

Some things in life are just irresistible — a baby's laugh, a fudgy brownie, a C&C California sale.

Whenever an email rolls in from that retailer, I can't help myself. Must....look....Must...buy...Sale...too....awesome. It's those 40-percent-off-sale-prices-plus- free-shipping codes that I'm a sucka for.

I need absolutely no more soft, cotton tees, tanks or long-sleeve shirts. This dress, however, I could not pass up for a mere $14. Let's highlight the goodness: It has wide straps (no bra showage!); it's above the knee but not trollop-short; the sheathlike styling means it skims and doesn't cling so there's no need to pick the dress out of your behind or keep pulling it down.

A Taste of Fall

2011-10-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

We had a teeny-tiny taste of fall last week.

The temperatures actually dipped into the 60s during the day. Lovely. It's funny how excited desert rats get about rain and autumn's first nip. My kids grabbed for their bulky coats, scarves and mittens. Really.

To celebrate the occasion, I got to whip out a recent Gilt grab — Ever's Venice sweater, a soft, soft cotton with loopy, open stitching that's perfect for our pseudo fall weather. Also part of the schtick: J Crew herringbone field pants (I think that's what they were called), a pink Splendid tank and Simple checked tennies.

Halloween Options

2011-10-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

Many chicks — too many — use the occasion of Halloween to dress, well, like sluts.

These cheeky Urban Outfitters' costumes pay homage to that tendency yet preserve the wearer's modesty, if not dignity. Funny.

Check out Urban Outfitters' Halloween Shop — there's some funny stuff. I still think I need to be a Peep, though.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Closeouts

2011-10-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

Look what 3 bucks buys!
Well, actually 3-50.
Still pretty darn cheap.

Shoe n' Tell: I loves me a good sample sale. Now that Swirl has dropped its shipping prices to a reasonable $6, I pay way more attention. So, I scored during the recent summer blowout sales. These Michael Stars leather flip-flops were regularly $49. They were on sale for $5, then further discounted 30 percent. How could I not buy two pairs?

Accessory Love

2011-10-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

My niece and sister-in-law brought me home this little treat from Forever XXI. Hot, isn't it?

The wrap bracelet has a soft, sueded, adjustable band, and the silver studs and braiding really zhuzh it up. The gray sets it apart from the usual black or brown wrap bracelet.

It's tough but girly and all fun.

Love. It goes with everything.

Cheap Thrill (That's Really Not So Good for You)

2011-10-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

Ode to a Chocodile

There once was a golden snack cake
That really wasn't worth the diet break
But one little addition (that does nothing for nutrition).....
Wow, what a difference a dip in chocolate can make.

When I was pregnant with each of my children, I craved these.

Now, I was always a Ding Dong girl growing up. Not a fan of the Twinkies. Of course, once I became an adult and discovered real, baked goods, none of the hermetically-wrapped treats cut it anymore. Yet I still enjoyed and desperately wanted and was willing to risk birth defects for a Chocodile.

I don't know how a simple, waxy chocolate coating can so amazingly transform a hum-drum Twinkie, it just does.

Flash forward many years later and my husband — on an impulse — brings home a box of Twinkies. Youngest Child flips out, thinking they are the most awesome edible ever. I tell him he knows nothing about good snackcakes and tell him about the Chocodile. He must have one.

Well, here's the thing: Chocodiles are not so easy to find. I have only ever seen them — in individual packages — at one southside Circle K. But, there's nothing I won't do for my kids, so I set out to hunt 'em down.

Four stores, two days and one unfortunate incident that had me locked INSIDE the car (seriously? that's a safety feature? being locked in?), I had them.

I admit I am an absolute dessert snob. I turn my nose up at boxed cake mixes (unless they are for a child's birthday party in which case a cake from scratch is just plan stupid). I've also read the ingredients on all these snack food cakes, which makes me shudder knowing that, well, let's just say a vegetarian can't eat them. And yet, I still think a Chocodile is a wickedly good little morsel.

Missed-soni

2011-10-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

Because I have kids and work and have experienced the letdown of Target's designer collaborations (except for Cynthia Vincent — that was flippin' awesome), I didn't run out on the big Missoni release day last month. I did go, though, to a few Targets that first afternoon. Picked clean.

So now that it's weeks later, returns are trickling in. While quickly flipping through the dregs at my local store, there was a cute wrap-style cami-type top that I didn't remember seeing in any of the lookbooks. It was drapey, rayon and had a cute pattern. Into the cart it went.

When I got home, I slipped it on over my head and my self-esteem quickly plummeted. It was a medium, which is bigger than I usually wear, but it fit so snuggly across my tum — and painfully gap-y at the top. And what was up with the extra flap of fabric that just hung there, without any purpose? Cute but not $29.99 cute.

I needed to alert my friends to my hidden find (why had I not seen that top anywhere in any of the marketing?) and couldn't turn it up. I looked at the tag to see if there was a product number and discovered the reason for the funky fit. It was, um, a romper.

Oopsie.

I had squeezed myself through one leg opening, which explained the overly tight fit and the weird fabric flap.

Still, who is wearing something that low on top and that high on the bottom? Sheesh.

Hello, October!

2011-10-03T04:48:00.000-07:00

Around our house, October means two things — obsessing about Halloween costumes and monster cereal.

And to be truthful, that's not just the kids.

Perhaps it's the limited availability that makes this cereal so alluring because, quite frankenberry, it all kinda tastes the same — sweetish and vaguely cornlike.

We even did a little unscientific taste-test and it was hard to tell 'em apart. Well, hard for everyone but the 6-year-old, who has a very refined palate when it comes to treats — and has the fillings to prove it.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Goin' Geriatric

2011-09-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

I am gettin' old
It has to be official
Because I like these.

Shoe n' Tell:
These Dansko clogs are starting to look good to me. They do have the leopard print, so maybe they're less stodgy? Not as Nurse Ratched?
All I know is that cold weather is maybe, possibly, coming and I don't have any closed brown shoes with a little bit of heel to wear with my many, many pairs of jeans. When it comes down to it, I don't wear (or like to wear) high heels that much. Seems the practical thing to go with a mid-heel. Plus, everyone swears these are the most comfortable thing ever.

A Very Personal Accessory

2011-09-29T05:08:00.000-07:00

So get this — you can have your very own bespoke scarf made.

That seems a touch classier than an image slapped on a mug or a mousepad, doesn't it?

Hayden-Harnett offers the service. You can create a customized wisp of goodness in a sheer silk chiffon or a sandwashed silk. Sizes range from 20-by-20 inches up to 40-by-40 inches. Prices range from $110 to $198. So, it's not cheap.

But, what a cool way to commemorate an exotic vacation or get a chance to to play fashion designer with your own artwork. Just no faces, please, because that just seems creepy.

Site To Love: Refinery 29

2011-09-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

So, I have to give some serious Web love to Refinery 29.

I surf a lot and several times a day, I land here — for an extended period of time. Especially if I'm procrastinating. Not only is it an excellent time suck, it's a useful one. For instance, a recent post was devoted to oversize tops. Hello, that's my favorite thing!

Especially grand is the Street Style feature, which always provides plenty of inspiration. These are from a Sept. 14 post, "50 Street-Style Looks from Fashion's Finest." They're from fashion week, of course.

Food-Baby Friendly Tops

2011-09-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

Jacquelyn of Musings by Jacquelyn had a great post about body image (Sept. 18 "Body Matters") and how it's important to accept who you are and to be healthy and happy in your own skin rather than fitting into society's image of the perfect body type.

Amen to that.

I, too, spent years trying to reshape what I thought were fat thighs and obsessing about my nearly concave chest. That pic right there at the top — that was the body that needed fixing. If I could go back in time, I would kick myself — and wear a midriff-bearing crop top, every freakin' day.

How did I not appreciate that flat stomach?

Those abs I will never, not after three kids and not without the help of a very skilled plastic surgeon, have again. And I've come to terms with that. I is what I is. That doesn't mean, though, that I won't disguise my current, most-hated body part. Creative dressing can work wonders, so I've been snapping up tops that conceal my pooch.

Call it "tummoflage."

Ruching and draping are my new best friends. Tops can be body skimming without being Saran-wrapish. To wit:

• Alice + Olivia draped vest. Scored this off eBay, but Neiman Marcus has the gray version on kinda, sorta, but not really sale (still $105). Tobi has a more wallet-friendly ($32) Comme Toi Grecian Grace top that does the same thing.

What's so great about the A+O vest is its versatility — button the long placket and drape it around your neck and you have the result you see in the second pic. Or, you can wrap around the back and still get a very tum-slimming look.

• Elizabeth and James Eddy top. OK, this is just the best. With all that ruching, who can tell you're packing a 5-month-old food baby? And, with a sexy, draped back like that, no one's really paying attention to the front anyway. Even better.

A Marvel-ous Bra

2011-09-26T04:20:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly certain that a gal could fight crime wearing a bra like this.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Insanity

2011-09-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

Someone take my temp.
I think I might be quite sick.
Bewitched by these sneaks.

Shoe n' Tell: These Isabel Marant sneakers are insane. Insane. I can't even type the price because it makes me pee a little every time I see it.

I am inexplicably drawn to them because every celeb I've seen in them (Kate Bosworth, Julianne Moore) has this cool, insouciant vibe. Yet, I know if I slipped them on, first of all, my feet would look ginormous. Then, people would probably expect me to break out into an old school rap song and say, "Yeah, boooooy." They are so, so wrong, and yet every time I see them I think, "Hmmmmm, what if....I sold a kid to buy them." And then I remember that none of my children would bring high three figures. Ha. I kid, CPS! I kid!

The Linen Pants Replacement

2011-09-22T04:10:00.000-07:00

OK, so first off, is that not a great band name? The Linen Pants Replacement? LPR, for short. I am trademarking that now.

An earlier post detailed the summer search for linen beach pants. That search failed miserably. Then I wised up. Hey, who wants light-colored linen pants anyway? The overly long hems will get frayed and in mere seconds the white would no longer be white. So instead I went for denim pants that give off that same beachy vibe — without the high maintenance. These Textile Elizabeth and James drawstring jeans are every bit as soft and lightweight as linen pants and infinitely more styleable.

Outfit: Project E T-shirt; Textile Elizabeth and James "Collins" slouchy jeans; Simple "Satire" sneaks.

Strange But True: A Pillow For Your Boobs

2011-09-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Now, I'll admit I have some weird concerns when it comes to my appearance. I'm worried about my hands looking old, a double chin and jowls and the skin on my neck looking like a 150-year-old tortoise's. I worry about my ear lobes getting saggy.

This is all aside from the usual butt and gut issues, which I obsess about constantly.

But I've never, ever worried about the effects of aging on my almost non-existent chest. Perhaps I should. Check this out. It only looks like a stuffed uterus. This gizmo is really..... a pillow for your boobs.

The Intimia Breast Pillow ($59.95) is meant to be worn at night and straps around your neck and upper chest. It's supposed to prevent dents in the decolletage. If you ask me, it just gives your spouse an easier way to kill you in your sleep when you piss him off. Just wrap that top strap tight around the neck and hello, second wife and golf every Saturday!

Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to go check my chest in the mirror.

A Tale of Two Skirts

2011-09-20T04:51:00.000-07:00

I shop online. A lot.

So you'd think I'd be, well, smarter.

For instance, this cute, uneven hem skirt looks pretty darn adorable. It was $14.80 at Forever XXI and there was a free-ship code, so I snapped it up. Trouble was, I didn't pay attention to the fabric content — 100 percent rayon.

Now, in a drapey, oversized shirt, 100 percent rayon is a beautiful thing. In a clingy skirt, it can be — no exaggeration — tragic. When I turned around and looked at my butt in the mirror, I could identify each of the 13 mini Oreos I'd eaten two days before. Yikes.

Back it went. In its place, I found this great knee-length, cotton skirt (Product code 2000026852) for $7.50. It has a wide waistband, plenty of give and is thick enough to conceal any and all mini Oreos.

Outfit: Elizabeth and James top (an example of good 100-percent drapey rayon); Forever XXI skirt; H&M wedges.

If Money Were No Object....

2011-09-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

...then I would have the best-dressed iPad on the block. Although, I'm not sure how I'd feel if my accessory was better dressed than I.

Shown: Jagger Edge Suede Fringe case ($198).

Friday Shoe Haiku: Lusting for Leopard

2011-09-16T05:13:00.000-07:00

So, can a girl have
Too many pairs of leopard?
Can't be possible.

Shoe n' Tell: I have two pairs of leopard flats (one cream based; one straight dark brown); a pair of KILLER leo boots; teetering Michael Michael Kors leopard platforms; pink leopard sneakers and strappy leopard wedges. Do I really need another pair?

Um, yes.

Here's what's caught my eye:
• Toms Snow Leopard flats ($54)
• House of Harlow 1960 Kye haircalf flats ($188)
• Born Kai sneakers ($95 )

RMS "Un" Cover-up

2011-09-15T04:16:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I purchased my first real, expensive "big girl" foundation. It was from Estee Lauder and I went to the makeup counter and got complexion matched and everything.

I wore it proudly to work on Monday only to have a coworker (male) ask me if I felt OK.

"Yeah, why?"

"You look kinda pale," he said.

Damn. So much for that.

Ever since I've been obsessive about matching my foundation perfectly. I check in the nasty makeup counter lighting (Why does it always suck? Don't they want you to buy stuff and be happy with it?) and go outside to make sure it really, truly is the right shade. This is trickier now that I'm doing the green cosmetics thing, and most of the products I order are online. Try color-matching off a monitor. Tough.

The nice people at RMS Beauty, though, happily sent me samples of its "Un" Cover-up ($36) in all shades to see which best suited me.

If you're not familiar with this line, this is the makeup that Gisele wears. Yeah, I spread some on and I didn't look into the mirror and see a luscious supermodel staring back. Still, I love this light foundation.

You use your fingertips to smooth on the smallest amount. The warmth of your skin helps the makeup melt in and blend. You really only need a teeny amount to cover up any imperfections. The result is your skin — only better.

Don't let the small container scare you, this stuff lasts a long time. I got some major mileage out of my mini samples.

Splurge vs Steal: A Wrap Sweater

2011-09-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

Months ago, a darling Alice + Olivia wrap-around cardi called my name from a mannequin. I ignored it.

I still think about it.

The problem then — and now — is the price tag.

Look at this beauty — it's a cashmere blend, so it must be wonderfully soft. The drape-front cardigan looks fab and gets major points for the buttons along the long placket — this means it can be fastened and draped around the neck, as seen in the photo, or you could even loop it around the waist for a different wrap look. It also costs $330.

Boo hoo.

The Forever XXI version (technically Love 21, Product Code: 2084877882), though, is a mere $29.80.

A Smashing Sweater Dress From A Most Unlikely Source

2011-09-13T04:23:00.000-07:00

The Sochi Sweater dress ($138) may well be my dream winter dress.

It's simple and straight-forward, but that drapey neckline really adds some oomph. It's from — are you ready for this? — Athleta. Yup, the Gap's sporty sister.

I couldn't believe it either when I saw it in the catalog. Yes, that's another weird, noteworthy item — I am on the Athleta mailing list.

It surely isn't because I'm athletic. Most of the women featured in the catalog look like they could go a few rounds with The Rock and come out just fine.

That is not me. In fact, just this weekend I stood in the kitchen, fiddling with my iPod. I had on my red Nike baseball cap, grungy sneakers and a workout shirt and shorts. Not one, not two, but all three kids systematically asked, "Where are you going?"

Each time I said, "I'm going for a jog."

"You're going for A JOB?"

Did I mention it was 7:30 on a Saturday morning, and they thought it more realistic that I'd be going to a job dressed like that than actually going for a run?

Yeah, maybe I don't exercise enough. But I know one thing, I'd rock that dress — even if I wouldn't ever dare wear half the sporty, clingy workout clothing featured in that catalog.

Sugar Passion Tinted Lip Treatment: A Sheer Red For Wusses

2011-09-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

So, if I were a spy, and I got captured by some foreign baddies, the way to torture me would be to threaten to withhold my beauty products and one in particular — tinted lip balm by Fresh.

I first fell in love with the Rose Tinted Lip Treatment (a lovely deep pink). Then I adored Plum (a sheer, deep berry). Now the new fav is Sugar Passion Tinted Lip Treatment SPF 15 ($22.50). This is a true red for people who, to kinda quote Jack Nicholson, "can't handle a true red!"

A swipe of Passion leaves the most perfect sheer red wash. It polishes a day look and is still black-tie appropriate, too.

The best thing about Fresh's tinted balms is that they're freakishly moisturizing, more so than any other tinted balm I've tried. If I put Rose on before bed, my lips feel hydrated in the morning. It's true. Another added bonus, is that you can apply any of these mirror-free — no worries about looking like the Joker.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Taking A Pass

2011-09-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

Shoes should be pretty.
Why look just like Frankenstein?
Creepers are...creepy.

Shoe n' Tell: A lengthy pass through Asos' shoe section yielded several versions of these uglies. Seriously, what is the attraction? The sole looks orthopedic, and the whole thing just comes off as clunky.

Cheap Thrills: A Sweet Treat

2011-09-08T04:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a happy place.

Mine, sadly, no longer exists. It was at a restaurant called Le Bistro. My sweet spot, my idea of heaven, was planted in front of Le Bistro's revolving dessert case, very smartly and strategically located mere steps from the entrance.

The multi-tiered case revolved slowly, bathed in a gentle glow. All kinds of fabulous cakes and sweets twirled in that case, but I only had eyes for the Concorde.

A towering, dusky cake, the Concorde was layers of shatteringly crisp chocolate meringue alternated with dense, rich chocolate mousse.

Sigh.

Once, my husband bought me an entire Concorde for my birthday. This is why I've kept him around all these years even though he never remembers to put anything away.

When the restaurant closed years ago, I tracked down a cookbook with a Concorde recipe. It was, to put it indelicately, a pain in the ass. You whipped egg whites and baked meringue discs at a low temp for a long time on cut-up paper bags. The mousse turned out not ethereal but runny, like unset pudding. The whole thing together was just off — too much meringue; flat, liquidy mousse. Such a disappointment.

When I spotted this cake in the freezer case at Trader Joe's, my eyeballs nearly popped out of my head. Could it be? Oh, yes, it could. And for only $6.99.

While not as triumphantly tall as the Concorde in my memory, this version still has the same light, crunchy meringue with a decadent mousse. As an added bonus, a band of dark chocolate rings the cake. With some fresh raspberries, it was perfection.

Stiff Stuff

2011-09-07T04:56:00.000-07:00

On a daily basis, approximately 213 emails flow into my inbox.

I always tap my name onto those email lists — especially the expensive online shopping sites — because who knows when an amazing code may come through that might make it possible to buy that overpriced item I can't live without.

One site — very well curated — never fails to make me laugh when its emails come through. Ssense has all these fancy-schmancy designers with crazy price tags, so you'd think they'd want their stuff to look appealing so that people would, ya know, cough up the credit card and buy it. But they manage to make each and every clothing item, even the flowy boho stuff, look so stiff. Check out those poses — it's like the models graduated from the Rigor Mortis School of Modeling.

Uptown Sweatshirts

2011-09-06T04:16:00.000-07:00

Nothing is snugglier than a sweatshirt.

But sweatshirt doesn't mean plain and boring PE gray. The latest generation of tops is uber hip. So even though fall is still, sadly, weeks and months away, a girl can dream....of thick, soft sweatshirts and chilly nights.

If that nip in the air ever comes....

Dolan Reversible Shearing sweatshirt ($163)

Gypsy 05 Connect off-the-shoulder sweatshirt ($121)

Dolan Slouch Sweatshirt with split sleeves ($80)

A Labor Day Cocktail

2011-09-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

I'm not a drinker. Just don't like the taste of alcohol and much prefer to consume my calories in chocolate form.

Every once in awhile, though, a cold icy drink that causes a little buzz hits the spot. In fact, I'd love a drink right now — at not even 8 in the morning — because I've already been up since 5 a.m., thanks to a kid; have an extra two loads of laundry, thanks to another kid who peed the bed; and there is nary a drop of coffee in the house. Apparently no kid has any clean underwear either. Oh, and did I mention my husband is out golfing?

Um, yeah, I think some tequila might hit the spot.

Here's a recipe for a Margorita. Yup, you read that right — MargOrita. Named for a coworker who used to bring these sweet, frothy drinks to parties. You might wrinkle your nose at the whipping cream, but trust me, makes allllll the difference in the world.

Cheers.

•8 ounces defrosted limeade
•8 ounces club soda
•at least 8 ounces ice (I usually end up with twice that amount)
•8 ounces tequila
•2 large dashes Triple Sec
•whipping cream

Mix first five ingredients together in a blender. Then, add about an ounce of whipping cream and whir it up again. Pour into glass and enjoy. Don't worry if you start to see double the number of children normally in your house. Just keep drinking — maybe they'll disappear.

Friday Shoe Haiku: The Returned One

2011-09-02T03:51:00.000-07:00

Darn you, too big toe!
These shoes would have been perfect
Were you not so fat.

Shoe n' Tell: So, I have this supersized big toe. Really. When I was a kid, I spent an entire afternoon stepping off the ledge of a public pool over and over again because my dad told me that with wide big toes like mine, I could walk on water.

Turns out I really can't.

These Miista "Ripley" mesh booties had been sitting in my Urban Outfitters cart for weeks when a sale and free shipping forced my hand. They look like the kind of edgy kicks Alexander Wang would design, don't they?

Alas, the sole wasn't as padded as the product detail professed it to be and my damn big toe was squeezed into that leather strap like a size 12 butt trying to sneak into size 8 jeans. So, I sent 'em back. They do look really, really cool, though.

Recession-Proof Clothing

2011-09-01T04:48:00.000-07:00

So, we're in a recession. That's what everyone keeps saying. If that's true, really, really, true, then how come there is only one nearly $800 Vince leather boatneck dress left in stock at Revolveclothing.com? (My bud Desert Flower has the Vince leather top. I've seen it, touched it. It's indescribably wonderful.)

And why is there only one nearly $600 Haute Hippie silk Gypsy dress left in my size?

Clearly some things are recession-proof.

Day PJs

2011-08-31T05:01:00.000-07:00

I don't care that these Textile Elizabeth and James "Davey" pants ($160) look exactly like pajama bottoms. I bet they're amazingly soft and comfortable. I'd totally wear them.

Is this a sign that the heat has completely fried my brain? Maybe.

Seriously Twisted

2011-08-30T04:02:00.000-07:00

A new trend that is really, really awesome — twisted shirts.

Why do we love it? Let's count the ways:
• It's fresh; a nice change of pace from ruching
• It's easy to wear with skinny jeans, which are still very, very in
• Most of all, it hides any, shall we say, gutteral imperfections, aka muffin top.

So, c'mon, baby, let's do the twist:

• Alexander Wang zipper trim stretch top ($385)
• Funktional sweatshirt ($90)
• Gypsy 05 "Angelina Twist Tee" ($132)
• Thakoon Addition "Wallpaper Bubble Silk Twist Front Jumper" ($375)...in case you're a jumper girl and incredibly wealthy.
• Michael Michael Kors Gathered Twist top ($79.50)

An Open Letter to Summer

2011-08-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Summer,

Well, I don't really know how to put this any other way, so I'm just going to come straight out and say it....You suck.

I am ready to break up with you.

Oh, we had some fun in the beginning. Your toastiness gave me the chance to slip into gladiator sandals and wear all my favorite J Crew shorts, all my easy-breezy summer dresses. But, quite frankly, we've outgrown each other. Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say that I've outgrown my shorts. Thanks to this heat, I don't feel like exercising. Ever. You're a bastard, Summer.

I am sick of sweat trickling down the the back of my knee pits and feeling it puddle in my bra. Even a quick walk to school in the morning leaves me soaked before I even get into the office.

So, please, let's go our separate ways. I'm sure I'll be ready to get back together in about a year, but for now, we need a break. A loooooong one.

XXXXXXXXXXXX
All the September mags are keeeeelllling me. I want to snuggle into cool-weather clothes so badly. What I'd wear*:

•Skinny jeans. I miss them so. I really, really am dying to wear them with the killer leopard-print boots I got months ago, but so far have only been able to look at them in the box and stroke them because it's too darn hot to put them on.
•An oversized sweater. This Yigal Azrouel sweater ($580).... Sigh. It's like a classy version of a Snuggie.
•Boots. OK, this Vince Camuto "Silas" boot isn't priced too badly ($169.95). It's this great motorcycle-ish/sh-- kickerish hybrid jazzed up with that skinny strap detailing. Too cool.
•A trench coat. This Alexander Wang trench coat ($262.50) has got all the modern upgrades to make it a must-own: skinny sleeves, a nifty halter-back detail. I actually scored an amazing deal on this trench last year and got to wear it only one time before getting into that abusive relationship with you-know-who (damn your early arrival, Summer!).

*This is all heat-induced delusions. I do not own the crazy-priced clothing. After all, I am not a Kardashian. Yet. Isn't there a brother in that family?

Friday Shoe Haiku: Risky Business

2011-08-26T04:27:00.000-07:00

Some people race cars.
Some people jump out of planes.
I buy final sale.

Shoe n' tell: These House of Harlow 1960 "Samantha" flats had been haunting me for months. I tried to ignore them. Then, Shopbop.com slashed the price from more than $100 to $67.50. That's more like it.

The hitch: They were so reduced that they were final sale. No returns — you're stuck, win or lose. I checked the reviews, and the one and only one I saw complained they were narrow. I have wide-ish feet. But there was only one pair left in the pretty tan..... I clicked, I shopped..... I scored. They're perfect. Of course, now that I can chalk one up in the wins column that I'm due for a loss.

Yay for September!

2011-08-24T03:46:00.000-07:00

September's really never done much for me.

I mean, it's still wicked hot (100-plus. Blech.), and school's already underway. There is that nice little Labor Day holiday, but really, it's no great shakes.

Well, that is, until I realized a few years back that it is THE month for fashion mags. Yes, I know, I shouldn't admit I'm that late to the party.

It's been fun getting the mail every day and discovering the 15 pounders crammed into the black box. Of course the traditional fashion favorites are fun to flip through, but they are just not realistic. At least not for this mom who has one private school tuition to pay. If I see those Miu Miu glitter heels one more time......

The magazine I consistently enjoy? People Stylewatch. It's real and features a good mix of high/low. Plus there are usually good discounts and giveaways featured in the back (yes, better than what Lucky offers).

Sally Hansen Salon Effects

2011-08-23T05:36:00.000-07:00

As a last hurrah before Oldest Child heads off into rule-heavy private school (collared shirts! no patterned shoes! only clear or pale pink nail polish!), our last bold hurrah was to stick Sally Hansen Salon Effects polish strips onto her nails.

They ain't cheap — $9.99, so whip out the Ulta coupon — but they come in enough wild patterns to make a headmaster blush.

OC opted for a cool, black-and-white floral pattern.

The directions sounded easy enough: Just match one of the assorted size strips to your nail, press it on and use a nail file to get rid of the excess. It proved to be kinda tricky, though. The strips are tough to line up well on the nail, and it's even harder to get a nice, even edge with that file. This is the kind of activity to do with a friend because there is no way I could do my right hand myself.

But, the strips are definitely less pungent than regular nail polish. They're thick and fairly resistant to chipping. And, unless you have polydactyly, you'll have some extra strips to play around with since they come 16 to a package. I used a few to stick on my thumbs to accompany this on-sale mint nail polish.

A Cool Guy Trick

2011-08-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

On a recent photo shoot, I picked up a cool trick from a model — a male one, no less.

The backstory: It was a back-to-college spread that required the model to bring a pair of white socks.

Him: "I don't have white socks."
Me: "What? Who doesn't have white socks? Then what do you have?"
Him: "Black ones."
Me: "What do you wear to the gym?"
Him: "Black ones."

I still think this is weird. At the shoot, I quizzed him some more about his supporting footwear. He took off his boat shoes and revealed....PEDS! Black, of course.

Instead of my first instinct (to mock him) because no one under 70 usually wears these things, I realized the brilliance of Peds — or, as they are rebranded in the 21st century, shoe liners — it's a way to get that no-sock look with cute, casual sneakers without the swamp foot. Awesome.

Target has a two-pack of Merona cotton shoe liners for $5. They're thin, light and offer a nice barrier between tootise and naked sneaker. The back does slip down a little, but it looks infinitely cooler not to have any sock peeking out from the ankle.

New Stuff Week: The Friday Shoe Haiku

2011-08-19T04:09:00.000-07:00

I love a good sale
Especially one this great
Red lines are pretty.

Shoe n' Tell: I've been known to save price tags when things are seriously marked down. I s'pose it's the shopper's equivalent of a deer head mounted above the fireplace — but quite frankly, a red markdown is a much more impressive souvenir.

I was at a local boutique, checking out the regularly-scheduled sale, when a bonus special started: $50 for any and all pairs of shoes. These would be Elizabeth and James wedges, bitches. See the box? They cost more than $400. Oh, snap. Not only do these come with a fancy-schmancy box, they have their very own dustbag. I am not worthy of such Olsenness.

They are paired with an equally cheap ($14 at second-hand store Buffalo Exchange) Calvin Klein denim dress.

Doesn't that last picture seem kind of arty? Yeah, it's really the result of a 6-year-old photographer being unable to handle a heavy SLR camera.

New Stuff Week: The Crochet Kimono Cardi

2011-08-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Earlier this summer, I was crushing pretty hard on this Textile Elizabeth and James pullover sweater. Those blasted Olsen twins, though, think everyone has eight-figure trust funds — the price tag was well over $300.

So, I'd visit this sweater on high-end retailers' sites, thinking maybe one day the price might drop, ya know, to, like, $40. A girl can be delusional. Alas, apparently there are a fair amount of trust-funders out there 'cause that sweater ended up selling out at a lot of places.

This ASOS '70s crochet kimono, though, offers the same feel at a fraction of the price (on sale plus there's an extra discount). And, truth be told, it's a lot more wearable than the Textile version for someone who calls the desert home.

Outfit: Along with the cardi, a Victoria's Secret vintage beach tank; Current/Elliott denim skirt; ASOS necklace; Diego Di Lucca wedges.

New Stuff Week: The Kimono Dress

2011-08-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, I blogged about kimono dresses (See it here). Well, Cusp (Neiman's edgier sister website) dropped the price to $65, with free shipping, on my favorite one, so I bit.

The Patterson J. Kincaid "Vanessa" tunic dress is on the sheer side, but that's how it's meant to be. I love the easy-breezy linen and the drapey sleeves that allow good airflow. The color will be a challenge for me (I spill, my kids are grimy), and I won't wear it out for barbecue, but I'll get at least a few more months of mileage out of it.

New Stuff Week: A Last Summer Hurrah

2011-08-16T05:17:00.000-07:00

An easy-to-wear, silk maxi is a wonderful thing.

No need to shave legs, no material stickin' to ya. And, I'm thinking with a tough, leather jacket and maybe moto boots (or is that overkill with the jacket?), this dress would also transition into cooler weather.

Full disclosure: I really, really, really dislike Nicole Richie. She bugs the crap out of me. (Gwyneth Paltrow, too.) But, the girl's clothing line is awesome. So, despite my extreme annoyance with her, I still bought this Winter Kate "Damian" dress. It was too on sale not to buy. (I take solace in the fact that it was so discounted, she couldn't have possibly made any money off of it.) Of course, the dress did require a little altering. I have no boobs, so the straps had to be lifted, and I'm too clumsy to wear a floor-grazing dress, so it was hemmed higher.

I paired it with a Streets Ahead leather cuff and Stuart Weitzman "Gladio" flats.

New Stuff Week: Fancy Pants

2011-08-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's not as exciting as "Shark Week" (unless you're me), but I have some new additions to my closet that I'd like to show off.

First up: Silky trousers

In any other fabric, these Monrow drawstring drawers would be lowly sweatpants.

In silk, they are fancy pants.

Dress 'em up (with a tank and blazer and heels), dress 'em down (with a white T-shirt), either way, they are perfection.

Outfit: Theory tank (a screamin' $14.50 deal from Buffalo Exchange); Monrow silk pants; Jeffrey Campbell "Ibiza" sandals; Forever XXI chains.

Friday Shoe Haiku: The Switcheroo

2011-08-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

I wanted the white
But instead I got brown sneaks
Hmmm, to keep or not?

Shoe n Tell: So, recently one of my sale alerts had these kickin' Ugg Evera sneakers on sale for $30. They're still the full-price $100 on pretty much every site. I jumped at the shopportunity. I have no white sneakers! They'll be perfect for summer!

When the Bloomies package arrived, though, the shoes were brown, brown, brown. Wha? I immediately checked my invoice — no color mentioned, but the photo was of those pearly whites. I contacted customer service. The upshot of the the store's response (which took FOREVER to arrive): You're stupid. That's what you ordered.

I was all set to repack 'em and send 'em back, just on principle. Bloomies was misleading — it only showed pictures of white and gray sneaks, but the color choices were "chestnut" and "pewter." Well, there were tan accents on the white shoe, with all the wacky color names, who's to know that chestnut referred to a totally different, not shown, color. So there ya go — this is a two-fer: Be careful when you're ordering online.

But, I made the mistake of sliding my feet into the shoes. Nice arch support, wooly inside around the ankle and tongue. Dammit, I might need to keep them after all. Even if I do, I promise to still be bitter at Bloomingdale's.

Off-Kilter

2011-08-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

Symmetry is overrated.

Things don't have to be equal. You don't have to have two bookends flanking your favorite reads. Or two perfectly even ears.

Of course it's taken me years of therapy and psychotropic drugs (and three kids) to adapt my thinking. Just kidding — actually it was last season's asymmetrical hemlines that did the trick.

It's OK if things are slightly askew. This outfit is evidence: The Factory tee has ruching at one shoulder and then opposite along the bottom. The necklace has way more beads on one side than the other. The James Perse fishtail skirt hangs longer in the back. If I left my head on these pictures, you'd see how Picasso-ish my eyes are, too.

Peppermint-a-licious Lotion

2011-08-10T05:09:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere that peppermint is a soothing, calming, lull-you-to-sleep kind of smell.

In the hope that that is true, I have been slathering my children in 100 Percent Pure's Eucalyptus Nourishing Body Cream ($15). Don't let the name fool ya, this stuff is hardcore peppermint. If you can't handle when the red-and-white candy rolls out around the holidays, then stay the heck away.

My little boy is so enamored of the lotion that he'll sit there and just huff his arm, where it's been rubbed in, like a little junkie jonesing for another hit.

I get a charge out of it because it has a lovely cooling effect that almost makes you feel tingly. Definitely refreshing in the heat.

Bringing Sexy Back

2011-08-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

I could be wrong, but the ruching on the back of this 9-year-old skirt is cool. Dare I even say sexy?

On the other hand, I suppose it could just look like the world's most incredible pantyline.

Outfit: J Crew T-shirt, no-name skirt; Stuart Weitzman sandals; random cheap bangles.

It's a Sweatshirt! It's a Bag!

2011-08-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Wonder what happen if you left your fave cuddly sweatshirt alone one night on the bed with your favorite tote?

This.

From MM6 Maison Martin Margiela, the email heralding the sweatshirt bag's arrival came with the most mesmerizing video of a sweatshirt, its arms wriggling and waving up over where a head would be to turn into a bag. Wish I could figure out how to link it.

If you were just wearing the sweatshirt, I would think those people who steal internal organs would be pretty darn excited by the random zipper across the front. Easy access!

So, here's the thing — it costs $240. I'm trying to figure out how to rationalize that price. If you divided by two, that would make a $120 sweatshirt and $120 tote bag, still way too much for either.

Think I'm gonna go watch the vid some more.

Friday Shoe.... Proverb

2011-08-05T04:51:00.000-07:00

A gift of shoes
Is a true gift indeed.

Shoe n' Tell: These lovely Stuart Weitzman flats were a gift from a friend. From the looks of 'em, she wore these babies for all of 30 seconds. They are absolutely pristine. And perfect.

Love that sassy hint o' snake print and how the bow sweetens things up. They go with everything.

Thanks, Jess. :) Oh! And, how coincidental, happy birthday.

Great Drape

2011-08-04T04:34:00.000-07:00

This email from Saks recently landed in the in box.

Oh, Saks, you know me so well.

I love everything on this page. Everything.

In fact, the Patterson J. Kincaid dress (upper left) should arrive any day now (I ordered it on supersale in white). In particular, I am lusting after the Alexander Wang draped tops. They look crisp and dressy, but not too. You could easily wear to work or an event or even a casual affair, depending on the bottoms you pair with it.

You can't quite make it out in the teeny photo, but both the long and sleeveless tops have this cool zipper detailing, too. My favorite part, though, is the strategically placed knot. Yes, I will have another brownie, thankyouverymuch.

Hostess With the Mostest

2011-08-03T04:21:00.000-07:00

No one would ever mistake me for Martha Stewart.

My cakes, while tasty, are typically lopsided and unattractive. My homemade cards look like one of my kids (and not the artistic one) made 'em. No where are my shortcomings more evident than entertaining.

I prefer small gatherings — just a family or two. It gets way too hard with lots of people. It wasn't always this way. BK (Before Kids), it wasn't a big deal to host a bunch of people. Now cleaning the house and doing all the prep work is just debilitating. So you can understand why — with a big Sunday gala looming — I am not so chipper. It's a fundraising event for a good cause and it's smack in the afternoon, so no one really expects much, right?

Which is good. Because I am not a fresh-flowers-on-the-table and cute, custom-made napkin rings kind of girl. In fact, my plates and plasticwear are usually all just mismatched from previous gatherings.

These things are my idea of fun entertaining.
• Pick Your Nose Cups ($5.95). These are a hit with kids and adults.
• Big Lebowski coasters ($12). Honestly, these don't even really resemble Jeff Bridges, but I can't resist a "Big Lebowski" reference.

Kimon-Ohhhhh......

2011-08-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

It's hot. I'm bored. Did I mention it's wicked hot?

It is soooo hard to dress when you don't want to sweat in anything really nice or wear something, like say skinny pants, that's tight and will only cling and make you more miserable in the heat. What's a gal to do?

The answer may well be a kimono dress.

The sleeves are wide and loose (good for waving a breeze down into the swampy armpits), and the dresses are mostly short and not tight. Sounds like a summer winner, even though I am officially sick of my hot-weather wardrobe.

Some options (the Patterson J. Kincaid one should be on its way to me):

• Winter Kate "Komodo" dress ($269). Personally, I think that Nicole Richie is like school in the summertime...... no class. But the trollop makes some nice clothes.

• Elizabeth and James "Anita" dress ($365). This one's my favorite, but that price tag is a downer.

• Patterson J. Kincaid "Vanessa" dress ($65, from $188). It's linen, which should be cool, and has an easy-breezy look. In fact, it's almost a ringer for that pricy EJ frock.

A Clean Moisturizer

2011-08-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

Oh skin. Can't live with you, can't live without you.

I've always had a heck of a time with my complexion. Things finally seemed like they were on the upswing a few years back. Then things took a turn for the pimply. And the dry. Oh, but parts are still oily, too. Who knows what to do?

Complicating things is my new goal to keep cosmetics and cleansers clean and green. If I weren't so stubborn, I probably could even things out — and only poison myself a little bit.

One brand that I've had remarkable success with is 100 Percent Pure. I've used the cosmetics and lotion. After being non-plussed by another clean moisturizer, I gave Argan Oil Hydration Moisturizer SPF 30 ($26 for 2 ounces) a try. Good stuff. It's light, very light. I'd venture to say it's best for oily or combo complexions. Really dry skin might need heavier stuff.

I like that it rubs in well and has argan oil, which is the latest beauty darling. No scent, which is a big bonus for my bloodhoundish self, and it rubs in quite easily. No Casper-ish cast.

Friday Shoe.....Song!

2011-07-29T07:03:00.001-07:00

To the tune of Phil Collins' "Sussidio"

There's a shoe that's been on my miiiiiind, all the time
Shoe-shoe-shoedio....Oooo..ooo..oooo...ooo

Shoe 'n Tell: I'm in the mood for nude...platforms. I want my legs to look six feet long. Much easier said than done, for a variety of reasons. Chief among them: I cannot walk in super high shoes. These Calvin Klein "Carley" ($98) pumps have a sturdy heel, though, which could help. Now the question is, are they the right shade of nude for me. This is a hard thing to buy online.

Lovin' Linen

2011-07-28T04:02:00.000-07:00

Well, perhaps a more appropriate post title would be I think I'm lovin' linen. I don't actually have any wide-legged, beachy pants in my closet.

A travesty.

I'm tired of being hot and sweaty and mostly I'm sick of shaving my legs every darn day. Wide-legged linen pants seem to be an appropriate response to all that.

There's lots to love out there. To wit:

• Converse One Star "Estella" linen-blend pants ($29.99). This seems to be the most logical choice because it's the cheapest. They're sold out online (is that a hint at their spectacularity?), but I spotted them in a local Target, not in my size (of course), but they seemed soft enough and not too sheer. I plan to hunt them down.

• Current/Elliott Wide Leg Lounge Trouser ($185). Doesn't it just seem wrong that something with the word "lounge" in the title comes with a three-figure price tag? No doubt the Cadillac of linen pants, these aren't even linen. They're Tencel, which is awesome because it drapes so nicely and is sooooo soft. The flat-front is a bonus because you can wear a shirt untucked without that unsightly drawstring bulge.

• Allen Allen Linen Pants ($59). The front, button pockets add a cute detail and the straight, not overly wide leg, is good for a more conservative pant.

A Cocktail Ring

2011-07-27T04:21:00.000-07:00

Summer sales ROCK. Hard.

For probably a year I've been stalking chunky Chan Luu rings. They're pricey, though — usually in the $150 range. But when local W Boutique had its annual "super freakin' big" sale and this was 75 percent off, well, naturally I brought it home. The stone is adventurine, and is kind of a blue-ish green, think translucent turquoise.

Cheap Thrill: A Sweet Grind

2011-07-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

It's only a matter of time before I accidentally use this all over the chicken enchiladas instead of pepper. Still, I like having it around.

This crunchy melange of chocolate, fat sugar crystals and coffee beans in the pepper-imposter bottle is a fun way to perk up coffee or milk or even ice cream. It's only $1.99 at Trader Joe's.

Color Counts

2011-07-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

When it comes to C & C California, I can't help but say si and si!

Pretty much every day is a sale, and free shipping is a frequent perk. What's not to love about cheap, well-constructed basics?

So, I bought a black, spaghetti-strap tank dress for next to nothing and when the price dropped even more a month later, I felt compelled to buy another.

And here begins the cautionary tale. I went for a pale orange. It's a fun, spring-y color. But while the black was sleek, this much lighter color showed off the pooch, VPL and that troublesome gluteal area. It highlighted all the bad stuff.

But it was so crazy cheap, it wasn't worth the $5 shipping to send back. So, I did what any self-conscious girl who can't afford a little lipo would do — I camoflaged.

The army-green Georgie vest hides my pooch and butt and thighs, but lets enough of the sunny color show through. Whew.

Outfit: Georgie vest; C & C California tank dress; Streets ahead cuff; random belt; Dolce Vita wedges.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Branchin' Out

2011-07-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

You are not my type.
Oxfords are such a no-no*.
I think I love you.

Shoe n' Tell: Rachel Comey's cheap line for Urban Outfitters, Contributor By Rachel Comey, features these two-tone oxfords ($69). As a general rule, I loathe oxfords. They are just too heavy, too clunky, too man-y. If I wanted to look like a dude, I'd be a cross-dresser. This pair, though, maybe it's the textured canvas or maybe it's just the more narrow shape and heel, look quite fetching.

*for me.

Blingin' It Up

2011-07-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

I've never been a fan of tattoos.

Ink just doesn't seem like a good idea. I mean, people gain weight, lose weight, skin starts to sag. What looked so good at 18 starts lookin' sad around 38.

Plus, ink's a serious commitment. Sometimes I don't even like to wear my bracelets all day.

So, I never got a tattoo. Or even wanted one. Until now.

But this fun, shiny thing is a temporary glitter tattoo. It'll be around one week, tops. I'm doing a story on it for work and while I was watching this model get bedazzled with shimmery stars and University of Arizona-colored pawprints (red and blue), I knew I needed — NEEDED — one.

Gadabout SalonSpas recently began offering the Body Shimmer service. It costs $12 per tatt, and you can pick designs ranging from cute n' cuddly (cherries, hearts with crowns) to edgier (skull and crossbones) and Chinese characters that allegedly say things like "I love you" but know some underappreciated, underpaid worker probably really wrote characters that say "Bad tipper" or "I smell like butt" as a way to get back at us Americans for being all up in their business all the time. Just a guess. Still, the characters, no matter what they really say, looked pretty cute. The tattoos are definitely a great, noncommittal, cosmetic pick-me-up.

Cool Label Name

2011-07-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

An odd preoccupation of mine is coming up with names for things.

To wit, The Guilty Vegan (for a restaurant). Unused band names: Phat Girl Party or Lycra Wedgie. Oh, there are more, but I don't want to repel people from this blog so I'll stop.

When I heard about Girls We Hated in High School, I automatically thought about a few bleachy-haired, overmascara-ed chicks. Then I realized it was the name of Jeffrey Campbell's new line of purses. Funny, awesome. If fashion can't be fun, what's the point?

Jeans, Like You've Never Seen 'Em Before

2011-07-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you've seen every kind of jean there is....Behold these two.

This is what happens when fancy-schmancy designers take on the ripped boyfriend jean — clean-cut slits. The Alexander Wang pair ($345) strikes me as something an uptight, not-quite-trendy-enough socialite would wear. I mock, but I kinda like 'em.

These Current/Elliott stiletto leopard print jeans. ($198) are fabulousness in skinny-jean form. Flat-out amazing. I don't have leopard in this form. Yet.

Easy Breezy Summer Dress

2011-07-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

The search is over.

For months, I had been tracking the perfect slip dress. One got away from me at a swap party (silk, gorgeous, but alas, too big). I found this one at Buffalo Exchange. The perfect shade of emerald (loooove green), it has wide straps and an easy, straight shape. The lace gives a sweet, lingerie feel.

Outfit: J Crew cardi, Sparkle & Fade silk slip dress; Klub Nico flats; PaganoDesignworks rose ring; Sheila Fajl ring.

One Week, One Skirt Plus Friday Shoe Haiku

2011-07-15T04:08:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, this little series could go on for at least another week — that is how good this skirt is. A stylist told me recently that if she can think of three ways she can style something, then she'll immediately buy the item.

I've got quadruple that with this Preen Line "Serpent" skirt. So versatile.

This dressier approach uses a Forever XXI newsprint T-shirt with a Guess tuxedo blazer. Pumps keep the look work-appropriate. Speaking of pumps....

Candy-apple red
Almond toe and patent shine
Look pricey, but not.

Shoe n' Tell: These Me Too "Locket" pumps have shown up before and have probably even been the topic of a 'ku, but this is my way of keeping them in my consciousness because they're at the back of the closet, easily forgotten. They are near ringers for the shoes I really wanted — some wickedly lovely Stuart Weitzman pumps. These, however, were a fraction of the price.

Some Hot Dishes

So Long!

On Break

Sequins for Your Nails

All Out of Love

Friday Shoe Haiku: A Jimmy Choo Book

Happy Gobble Gobble

What the...? Wednesday

Bundled Up (for the Desert)

A Traffic-Stopping OOTD

Friday Shoe Statement of Fact

Big* Bags

How'd She Do That?

Shopping For Dudes

An OOTD....For Warmer Weather

Friday Shoe Haiku: A Follow-Up

Shop — It's the Law

Old-School Polyvore

Get A Lift

Mad for Plaid

Friday Shoe Haiku: Sporty Heels

DIY: Cropped Pullover Shrug Thingy

Oddsession of the Week: Cropped Sweaters

Kevin Murphy Hair Resort — For That Beachy Look

Happy Halloween!

A Very Apologetic Friday Shoe Haiku

Oddsession: Varsity Jacket

Sequins by Day

True Confession Tuesday

Not-Quite-Martha-Stewart Halloween Decorating

Friday Shoe Haiku: Knockoff Knockdown

Splurge vs. Steal: Ruched Dress

What the...? Wednesday

Husband Repelling Fashion

Mix n' Match

Splurge vs. Steal: Lace Jacket

Great Googly Moogly — A Leather T-shirt

C&C California's Perfect Little Dress

A Taste of Fall

Halloween Options

Friday Shoe Haiku: Closeouts

Accessory Love

Cheap Thrill (That's Really Not So Good for You)

Missed-soni

Hello, October!

Friday Shoe Haiku: Goin' Geriatric

A Very Personal Accessory

Site To Love: Refinery 29

Food-Baby Friendly Tops

A Marvel-ous Bra

Friday Shoe Haiku: Insanity

The Linen Pants Replacement

Strange But True: A Pillow For Your Boobs

A Tale of Two Skirts

If Money Were No Object....

Friday Shoe Haiku: Lusting for Leopard

RMS "Un" Cover-up

Splurge vs Steal: A Wrap Sweater

A Smashing Sweater Dress From A Most Unlikely Source

Sugar Passion Tinted Lip Treatment: A Sheer Red For Wusses

Friday Shoe Haiku: Taking A Pass

Cheap Thrills: A Sweet Treat

Stiff Stuff

Uptown Sweatshirts

A Labor Day Cocktail

Friday Shoe Haiku: The Returned One

Recession-Proof Clothing

Day PJs

Seriously Twisted

An Open Letter to Summer

Friday Shoe Haiku: Risky Business

More September Reading

Yay for September!

Sally Hansen Salon Effects

A Cool Guy Trick

New Stuff Week: The Friday Shoe Haiku

New Stuff Week: The Crochet Kimono Cardi

New Stuff Week: The Kimono Dress

New Stuff Week: A Last Summer Hurrah

New Stuff Week: Fancy Pants