What To Wear For A Throwdown, Food Network-style

So, this is what I'm wearing on the Food Network's "Throwdown with Bobby Flay" huevos rancheros episode. It airs tonight. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to watch it — hate seeing myself on TV, hence why I have not auditioned for "American Idol." Plus, I can't sing. Plus, I'm too old for them. Stupid age limit.

Celeb chef Flay and his entourage blew into town a few months ago for a showdown with Teresa's Mosaic Cafe, owned by the lovely Matias family. A Phoenix chef and little ol' me were judges for the dining duel.

Things came together pretty quickly — and I was sworn to secrecy — so I had to agonize on my own about what to wear. TV's hard — so many rules. No black. No white. No patterns. So, I went safe — J Crew, baby, all the way. I'm fairly sure this outfit's something Emma the OCD high school counselor on "Glee" would wear. At least it's not a Sue Sylvester track suit, although truth be told, no one would have blinked had I shown up dressed that way. Everyone was way casual.

So anyway, I am optimistic that my screen time will be mercifully brief. I'm pretty sure I sucked, this despite a lengthy TV station internship and assorted appearances over the years on news segments and even a now defunct talk show. Not only did I need several takes every time I opened my mouth, I walked briskly past the star of the show himself when I was supposed to stop and shake his hand. Really. You can read the whole sordid story here.

Rachael Ray is safe. For now.

HUGE Fashion News Flash

Hold onto your wallets — H&M along with Zara are allegedly launching online shopping in September.

Hot. Damn.

This incredible tidbit comes via Refinery 29 via Guardian.

September? Why, that's practically NOW. I think I may have just drooled on the keyboard.

"Nina Garcia's Look Book" Review

Initially, I laughed out loud at some of the scenarios fashion guru Nina Garcia proposes in her new book "Nina Garcia's Look Book: What to Wear for Every Occasion" (Voice, $23.99), which is available today.

What to wear to therapy? What to wear to meet a potential surrogate?

Then I realized, hey, this is life. This is the world we live in today. And, if I were in those situations, I could see agonizing over what to wear. I sure could have used Nina G a few months back when a cable TV show came calling (more on that in tomorrow's post. I know, what a tease.)

Garcia — fashion director of Marie Claire, a judge on Lifetime reality series "Project Runway" as well as the author of other style books and Target's 2010 Style Expert — has a nice, easy tone. She really, truly hits on pretty much every scenario in a modern woman's life — what to wear to meet the boyfriend's parents and his kids; a Netflix date (not a Snuggie) and even what to wear when you work at home. For this last one, Garcia warns that style is a muscle. If you don't use it, then it might fail when you need it most. Use working from home not as a time to wear sweatpants 24-7, but as a way to experiment with different looks, including for hair and makeup.

The book is organized into categories: day, night, dating, work, life events, holidays, etc.

Ruben Toledo (if you're a Nordstrom shopper, you know his whimsical art from catalogs) provides the fun, colorful artwork. His sketches of stylish women are fun, but I would have liked actual photos of the pieces and looks Garcia suggests. But, that's just me — I really like things spelled out for me because I have trouble visualizing.

It's a fun, quick read filled with good tips (including on how to mend a broken heart). Garcia spells out the rules, but then takes time to point out incredibly chic rule breakers. The book is available in stores and look for it on Amazon.com.

Tales from the In-Box — Lovin' the Look of Fall

This just popped into my in-box, courtesy of Bloomie's.

Love the prints on the new DVF wrap dresses, especially the one on the far right. Yay, fall!

Monday Musing

Recently re-watched "The Muppets Take Manhattan" and I was struck by two things — how much Colin Ferrell* resembles Animal (probably in behavior, too) and how much Seth Rogan sounds like Fozzy Bear.

Well, actually I was struck by three things, if you add in that I was bemused that there would be smoking (Dabney Coleman was puffing away) in a children's movie. Ah, the '80s, a gentler, simpler time — except for hair.

*Starpulse.com image. I have no idea what the site is, but I figured I ought to credit it.

A Very Personal Cake-Wreck

It's all how you spin it.

Doesn't matter what it is in life — you can change how people view something, if you can slap a nice title on it and market well.

Case in point:
Me to the kids: "Let's walk the dogs!"
Kids: Groaning, moaning, general grumbling and displeasure.

Let's try it again, putting a better spin on the request.
Me, using a dramatic announcer voice: "Time for an Adventure Walk!"
Kids: "Huh? What's that? Let's go!"

So, when the first month of summer at a camp with really cool activities was ending and staying at home with Mom beginning, I dubbed it Camp Mommy. One of the more popular activities was Kitchen Crafts, which involved baking because it's cheap and easy, if quite messy.

Some things were an instant hit, like the cake lollipops (crumble a cake, add some canned frosting; roll into balls and freeze and then cover the whole shebang in melted chocolate). After a trip to the pet store for guinea pig food turned sour ("Mom, we want goldfish! Plllllease! They're only a dollar! We'll take care of them!!!!" Me: "Oooh, but I'm allergic to goldfish."), we came home and made blue Jell-O in a plastic goldfish bowl and stuck Swedish fish in it. Goldfish forgotten.

Things, however, did not go as well with this cute 3-D bear.

Oh, I knew it wouldn't look like that Santa Bear on the box, but I didn't think the heads would snap off as they were being unmolded. It was all downhill from there. Despite our efforts to "glue" the bead onto the body, it kept falling off. At least the kids took the mishap in stride and laughed at the goofiness of it all.

In the end, my daughter turned the bear into a butterfly. And, it tasted just fine.

Some Bad-Ass Pants

Madewell — J Crew's sister site — touts these slouchy sweatpants as its latest obsession.

Really?

Aside from the fact that they're $49.50 sweatpants, does anyone at Madewell know what horizontal stripes do to a badonkadonk? Even one that belongs to a model?

Well, take a look. It ain't pretty.