Friday Shoe Haiku

These heels looks Pucci.
But they're not. They look soooo tall
And, oh yes, they are.


This spectacular pair of Sergio Zelcer cork wedges will likely be part of my Halloween costume tomorrow when I am the perpetually stressed dresser-of-the-stars Rachel Zoe.

True story — the last time I wore them (on a movie date night last year), I completely fell on my face in front of a police officer. Good thing they don't do field sobriety tests for walking.

I am a selfish bee-otch

My parents ask for a Christmas list every year.

It kinda makes me feel like I'm 12 again, but it's sweet and I always dutifully comply because they are Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Seriously.

Pretty much everything that goes on the list shows up under the tree. I've never tested the limits of their generosity by asking for, say, a car, because I'm not that kind of girl. But I really think they'd go for just about anything because even though they never want gifts and complain about the commercialization of the holiday, they still really want to buy for people and make them happy.

Since my mom's a planner, this is the time of year she asks for the lists. I had already been thinking about mine for months and had been jotting down things that I'd like to add to my arsenal of stuff.

My husband also sent in his list — yeah, he asked that donations be made to a charity that benefits local school kids.

$*&%^*#*%)

My parents were most impressed by that and told me how mature this was. Talk about feeling 12 again. Somehow that seems more generous than me requesting a scarf made by disabled people.

Cool Discovery #53

I let the kids pick out the bath soap, anything to make at least one job easier. So when my little dude selected Spider-Man "Grime Fighting Blast" body wash at Target, that was fine by me. What I wasn't expecting was that I'd become absolutely intoxicated by the smell.

The Marvel people must've been screwing around that day, trying to decide how to throw parents for a loop. I mean, the container is decorated with Spider-Man and Doc Ock, the soap is neon-pink, but it smells like something you'd find in an upscale bath shop. Amazing.

The pink gel is fresh like cut grass, clean like rain and with a subtle, subtle hint of powder. It's reminiscent of one of my favorite, favorite scents — The Thymes Fig Leaf & Cassis, which has been discontinued. Ah well, this stuff might be even better and it's infinitely cheaper. I'm totally stealing it from the kids. They just got some SpongeBob stuff anyhow. It smells exactly like kid soap usually does — overly fruity and slightly medicinal. Spidey's all mine.

Calgon! Take Me Away!!

The squares on my calendar are just not big enough.

Since it's Monday, I was looking at the week ahead and jotting in all the things I realized I hadn't entered into my old-school Blackberry — birthday party, doctor's appointment, day off from school. Then I flipped ahead to the next month and the next. Holy crap, the year's almost over. And my little, teeny squares are so very full.

I wish I could just hit the pause button for a breather. When my kids play together — or even sometimes in the middle of a conversation with them — they'll shout "Pause!" so that everything stops while they do what they need to do, go to the bathroom, swat at a fly, look at a flower.

But, I think I need more than just a momentary pause.

Some people (those without children) might say I need a vacation. Once you have kids, though, that word is no longer applicable. When you bring children with you, it's called "taking the show on the road." There's no vacation. No relaxation. Just the same ol' same ol', but even harder. No, what I need is a comacation. If I could just slip into a light coma, just for a few weeks, I think that would do the trick. Well, that is if a coma is like a deep sleep.

I don't want to be in one of those comas where you're completely aware of everyone and everything going on around you, and you just can't respond. That would suck. That might be more maddening than being awake and having people constantly tugging at you and screaming and crying and shouting, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Friday Shoe Haiku

Pink and checkered sneaks
Orthotics fit inside! Yay!
Happy podi'trist....

Harsh Life Lesson No. 53

The other day I was flipping through my Mount Lemmon-sized pile of magazines next to the couch and came across this tidbit: If you just think about exercise, it can make you gain weight.

That explains it.

Seems that in a study — there's always a study — people who only thought about working out but didn't actually do it, gained weight because they ended up eating more, as if they had exercised.

(#&%)(&#%)(*&@(!*

The other night, I had this dream (an anxiety nightmare, actually) about hopping on the elliptical and then trying to find suitable floor space where there wasn't a puppy pee stain or children's crap so I could do some crunches. After I woke up, I didn't actually try to do either of those things. I got on the scale, and sure enough, a pound heavier than a few days before.

Damn studies.

The Latest Miracle Product

Theoretically — and I say theoretically because it's currently about 90-something degrees outside — it's fall.

I love fall, except for one thing: the old lady hands.

It never fails. A light chill hits the air and my hands start to look all prune-y. Excuse me, I believe I mean "dried plumlike," that's the term the fruit's PR people are pushing these days. Dry, wrinkly, gross hands. Seems I can't lotion enough. But after a spilled lotion incident in the purse, I don't dare carry it around with me. I've got stick sunscreen already in my bag for the same reason. Now, the sunscreen has company with Josie Maran Argan Oil Moisturizing Stick.

If you haven't heard yet about argan oil, allow me to enlighten you. It is the latest, greatest rage in skincare. Here's the dealio, the oil is very moisturizing and is purported to have anti-aging ingredients rich in fatty acids and vitamin E. In the stick form, the oil can be used as a multipurpose balm, soothing chapped lips and skin, relieving the itch from insect bites, even taming flyaway hairs. I just roll it over my hands. When I'm feeling braver (lately I've been plagued by pimples), perhaps the balm will take a trip across my face.

You can find Josie Maran Argan Oil Moisturizing Stick at Sephora for $22.