Sick, But Not Dead

True Story: Last night, I was writhing in bed, convinced I wouldn't live to see the morning.

Ta-da. I did.

Barely.

Some weird spinal meningitis/stomach bug slammed me hard yesterday, and I swear, I didn't think I'd make it. The sharp flashes of abdominal pain were actually worse than the pain from my unintentional natural childbirth (epidural didn't work). My neck was kinked and sore (that was the part I attributed to meningitis), and I couldn't get warm, even with socks and a thick, terry robe and a down comforter. It was awful. But, as I expelled half my body weight from one end or another, I had a crazy thought of trying to make it to the playroom to get onto the Wii Fit board, just to have it exclaim — for once — that I seemed to have dropped poundage. Usually, it flashes up this rude, dismissive message that I "seem to have put on some weight" since my last session. But, since it was hard enough making it the 10 steps to the bathroom, I didn't do it.

What I did manage to do, amazingly, was buy the Fossil polka-dotted scarf, seen in microscopic view here because I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to make it bigger. Plus, I still feel absolutely gross and woozy and unable to think clearly. Anyway, it was critical to get the scarf stat because a) I'd been obsessing over it since I laid eyes on it in the Fossil catalog last week, and b) a coupon for free overnight shipping was only good this one day.

The clock was ticking... I didn't think I could will my frigid fingers to go through the whole laborious process of inputting all my information. I had to stop twice to do my crazy hunch-walk to the bathroom. But, I did it. Got that sucker before free shipping ran out. It better be pretty damn amazing, too.

ADDENDUM: How the barf scarf story ends: Free overnight shipping ended up being three-day shipping, which annoyed me. You know how drunken dudes talk about "beer goggles"? Apparently there is such a thing as barf goggles because when I opened up the package, I was most underwhelmed by the object of my week-long lust. Meh. Not worth the $38, so off it went. Guess I learned my lesson — no more feverish shopping even with a free ship deadline looming. At least not from Fossil.