Happy Halloween!

Even if you're dressed like a giant, pseudo-marshmallow treat, you can still look fashionable.

Have a happy Halloween, my peeps.

A Very Apologetic Friday Shoe Haiku

So sorry, Dansko.
I talked smack, but I was wrong.
I so love these shoes.


Shoe n' Tell: So, in a recent post, I talked about my angst over kinda liking a pair of Danskos even though I worried that they were nurse-y and stodgy. Well, I had not seen this pair back then. I got a 6 p.m. sale notice and while trolling the site, saw
Dansko Rory, on sale for half price and free shipping. They reminded me of a much-beloved pair of Jessica Bennett high-heeled, lace-up oxfords with sexy cutouts. They were a fierce pair of shoes, so fierce that I bought them even though they were a full size too big. After my foot surgery, they were a size and a half too big. I rehomed them with a friend. I still think about them. But these, these are even better because they're comfortable! Cute, too. I take back what I said. I'm not wrong often, but I'll admit it when I am — especially if it's still to my benefit.

Oddsession: Varsity Jacket

My dad tried to talk me into a varsity jacket a couple of times while I was in high school.

I wouldn't go for it.

I actually did have letters to put on it, but we had some nasty school colors (dingy, bad green and a puke-y gold) and besides, I didn't so much want a letterman's jacket as I wanted a boyfriend with a letterman's jacket. Yeah, that didn't really work out.

Fast forward, ahem, some years later and I have this insatiable desire for....a varsity jacket. It's the latest oddsession (see definition here). The chicks in the magazines all look so cool with the skinny pants and varsity jacket. Somehow I'm afraid I might look like I'm trying too hard since I'm fairly far removed from high school. Still, I love...

• Junior varsity jacket ($88) from ShopNastyGal.com (possible the worst-named clothing site ever.)

• Funktional's varsity jacket ($290). Almost too cool for school.

• This 3.1 Phillip Lim jacket with leather sleeves ($1,450) is just too cool for my wallet.

Sequins by Day

I love sequins. Love, love, love.

But, when am I, a working mom, ever going to wear them? On the soccer field? On that one night every six months when I'm out past 6:30 p.m.? Wearing them to work is really my only option.

Sequins for day, though, is a completely doable look. This Express modal-cotton tank top is cream and has matte sequins, both of which tone down the chacha-ness of the sparkly look. Throwing on a military vest further de-blings.

Outfit: Georgie vest; Express (super sale!!) sequin tank; Old Navy skirt; Streets Ahead leopard cuff; Jeffrey Campbell sandals.

True Confession Tuesday

I am tired of laundry. Sick and tired of it.

So this weekend, during load 29, I found a few items in the hamper that made me dubious of their dirtiness.

"No way did she wear that one all day!" I said, eyeing a sweater that couldn't possibly have been on longer than 10 minutes since the temperatures recently dipped into the 60s for about, oh, 10 minutes.

So, I folded it up and put it back. I sense a reduced amount of laundry in my future.

Hey, don't judge me — I did sniff it first.


* * * * * *

I think polygamy is cool.

Oh, those polygamists get a bum rap. But those wives have got it goin' on.

Think about it, ladies, if you had the choice, wouldn't you rather have a wife instead of a husband? I mean, when I have the day off, I'm racing around, trying to mop the floor and do dishes and basically just work to keep the health inspector from shutting us down. When he's home? Yeah, he's making fantasy football deals or playing video games.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind me a sister wife.

* * * * * *
And the deepest, darkest one of all...... Once, the Tooth Fairy may have been a little short on cash and, uh, how do I put this? She may have recycled money from the piggy bank to pay for a tooth.

Not-Quite-Martha-Stewart Halloween Decorating

So, doesn't this look just so Martha Stewart — if she decorated trailer parks? Here is why you shouldn't automatically buy the 90-percent-off holiday stuff at Target, even though it is 90 percent off. This plastic Jack-O'-Lantern was, like, 40 cents, so I couldn't resist. Plus, it seemed green — you just stuff recycled newspaper into it. But, as you can see, it's slumpy and, well, lame. The only saving grace is that since it's been propped beneath a mesquite tree, it's now splattered with sap and kinda looks like it's been shot several times.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Knockoff Knockdown

Can you tell the Frye?
When it comes to knock-off shoes,
Target does quite fine.

Shoe n' Tell: That top photo is the Frye Harness 12 R ($228). The pair right here is Target's Mossimo Supply Co. "Katherine" leather boots ($59.99). I tried the Frye boots on a few years back and loved, loved, loved. The Target version is a spot-on copy.

Splurge vs. Steal: Ruched Dress

This Alice and Olivia mid-length ruched jersey dress is awesome. My friend bought it on sale, and now it's only available in budget-busting full price.

Express' rouched (sic) scoop neck dress is a more reasonable $49.90 — plus that store ain't stingy (there is always a coupon goin' on), so we'll overlook the misspelling.

A modal/cotton blend, this dress is soft enough and has the same side ruching as the A&O version. The A&O has some sexy, lump-covering extra butt ruching that this version doesn't. Though the Express dress comes in a bunch of other colors, the marled gray looks best because it gives a more casual vibe and, quite frankly, hides the cheapness of the fabric.

What the...? Wednesday

Some of the weird stuff that's caught my eye this week...

This crazy Eugenia Kim scarf (with the ungodly price tag of $231) is so odd. It looks like something your mean grandma — if she hated you — would make and give you for Christmas.

I also don't understand this See by Chloe purse ($295) that looks like it was made out of one of those crazy-haired angora bunnies. This is not an outfit enhancement — it's animal cruelty to the polyester beast that died to create it.

Slice O Matic? More like LaZassOmatic. Seriously, slicing — MERE SLICING — is so hard that you need a special tool that will take you three times as long to wash as an ordinary knife?
You can't tell me that repeatedly pressing down on a handle is easier (or as satisfying) as slicing a blade through a cucumber. C'mon. Still, it is the cheapest of all these oddities at $19.99.

Husband Repelling Fashion

Back last year when Alexander Wang's collection featuring these shorts came out, I had a photo of 'em up on the computer.

My husband, who rarely offers any kind of fashion-y opinion and can barely buy his own clothes (forever plagued by indecision), declared them the "most hideous clothing item" he'd ever seen. Now, that's really saying something coming from him.

Well, call me the Husband Repeller, because I bought these bad boys on eBay and I love 'em and I think they make my legs look skinny and while I'm moderately flummoxed by what to pair with 'em, they are wicked cool to me.

Outfit: Anthro button-back top; La Mer leopard watch; Faryl Robin shoes.

Mix n' Match

My attempt at pattern mixing: MinkPink striped cardi; random leopard scarf; C&C California tank dress; DV Dolce Vita boots from Urban Outfitters.

And on an unrelated side note.... This is how confused I am — I forgot last Friday was Friday and that's why I posted a Splurge vs. Steal instead of a Shoe Haiku.

Splurge vs. Steal: Lace Jacket

This Elizabeth and James lace jacket seemed like the perfect way to incorporate the lace trend. I say "seemed" because its original price tag was in the realm of monthly private school tuition — $500. Yikes. A bit high for a trend.

This ASOS open lace cardi, though, is a great substitute. The price is certainly right at $26. SOrry — I think I got the last one.

Great Googly Moogly — A Leather T-shirt

If you dress like a badass, you will be a badass.

That is my goal with this bitchin' Muubaa leather tee.

C&C California's Perfect Little Dress

Some things in life are just irresistible — a baby's laugh, a fudgy brownie, a C&C California sale.

Whenever an email rolls in from that retailer, I can't help myself. Must....look....Must...buy...Sale...too....awesome. It's those 40-percent-off-sale-prices-plus- free-shipping codes that I'm a sucka for.

I need absolutely no more soft, cotton tees, tanks or long-sleeve shirts. This dress, however, I could not pass up for a mere $14. Let's highlight the goodness: It has wide straps (no bra showage!); it's above the knee but not trollop-short; the sheathlike styling means it skims and doesn't cling so there's no need to pick the dress out of your behind or keep pulling it down.

A Taste of Fall

We had a teeny-tiny taste of fall last week.

The temperatures actually dipped into the 60s during the day. Lovely. It's funny how excited desert rats get about rain and autumn's first nip. My kids grabbed for their bulky coats, scarves and mittens. Really.

To celebrate the occasion, I got to whip out a recent Gilt grab — Ever's Venice sweater, a soft, soft cotton with loopy, open stitching that's perfect for our pseudo fall weather. Also part of the schtick: J Crew herringbone field pants (I think that's what they were called), a pink Splendid tank and Simple checked tennies.

Halloween Options

Many chicks — too many — use the occasion of Halloween to dress, well, like sluts.

These cheeky Urban Outfitters' costumes pay homage to that tendency yet preserve the wearer's modesty, if not dignity. Funny.

Check out Urban Outfitters' Halloween Shop — there's some funny stuff. I still think I need to be a Peep, though.

Friday Shoe Haiku: Closeouts

Look what 3 bucks buys!
Well, actually 3-50.
Still pretty darn cheap.

Shoe n' Tell: I loves me a good sample sale. Now that Swirl has dropped its shipping prices to a reasonable $6, I pay way more attention. So, I scored during the recent summer blowout sales. These Michael Stars leather flip-flops were regularly $49. They were on sale for $5, then further discounted 30 percent. How could I not buy two pairs?

Accessory Love

My niece and sister-in-law brought me home this little treat from Forever XXI. Hot, isn't it?

The wrap bracelet has a soft, sueded, adjustable band, and the silver studs and braiding really zhuzh it up. The gray sets it apart from the usual black or brown wrap bracelet.

It's tough but girly and all fun.

Love. It goes with everything.

Cheap Thrill (That's Really Not So Good for You)

Ode to a Chocodile

There once was a golden snack cake
That really wasn't worth the diet break
But one little addition (that does nothing for nutrition).....
Wow, what a difference a dip in chocolate can make.

When I was pregnant with each of my children, I craved these.

Now, I was always a Ding Dong girl growing up. Not a fan of the Twinkies. Of course, once I became an adult and discovered real, baked goods, none of the hermetically-wrapped treats cut it anymore. Yet I still enjoyed and desperately wanted and was willing to risk birth defects for a Chocodile.

I don't know how a simple, waxy chocolate coating can so amazingly transform a hum-drum Twinkie, it just does.

Flash forward many years later and my husband — on an impulse — brings home a box of Twinkies. Youngest Child flips out, thinking they are the most awesome edible ever. I tell him he knows nothing about good snackcakes and tell him about the Chocodile. He must have one.

Well, here's the thing: Chocodiles are not so easy to find. I have only ever seen them — in individual packages — at one southside Circle K. But, there's nothing I won't do for my kids, so I set out to hunt 'em down.

Four stores, two days and one unfortunate incident that had me locked INSIDE the car (seriously? that's a safety feature? being locked in?), I had them.

I admit I am an absolute dessert snob. I turn my nose up at boxed cake mixes (unless they are for a child's birthday party in which case a cake from scratch is just plan stupid). I've also read the ingredients on all these snack food cakes, which makes me shudder knowing that, well, let's just say a vegetarian can't eat them. And yet, I still think a Chocodile is a wickedly good little morsel.

Missed-soni

Because I have kids and work and have experienced the letdown of Target's designer collaborations (except for Cynthia Vincent — that was flippin' awesome), I didn't run out on the big Missoni release day last month. I did go, though, to a few Targets that first afternoon. Picked clean.

So now that it's weeks later, returns are trickling in. While quickly flipping through the dregs at my local store, there was a cute wrap-style cami-type top that I didn't remember seeing in any of the lookbooks. It was drapey, rayon and had a cute pattern. Into the cart it went.

When I got home, I slipped it on over my head and my self-esteem quickly plummeted. It was a medium, which is bigger than I usually wear, but it fit so snuggly across my tum — and painfully gap-y at the top. And what was up with the extra flap of fabric that just hung there, without any purpose? Cute but not $29.99 cute.

I needed to alert my friends to my hidden find (why had I not seen that top anywhere in any of the marketing?) and couldn't turn it up. I looked at the tag to see if there was a product number and discovered the reason for the funky fit. It was, um, a romper.

Oopsie.

I had squeezed myself through one leg opening, which explained the overly tight fit and the weird fabric flap.

Still, who is wearing something that low on top and that high on the bottom? Sheesh.

Hello, October!

Around our house, October means two things — obsessing about Halloween costumes and monster cereal.

And to be truthful, that's not just the kids.

Perhaps it's the limited availability that makes this cereal so alluring because, quite frankenberry, it all kinda tastes the same — sweetish and vaguely cornlike.

We even did a little unscientific taste-test and it was hard to tell 'em apart. Well, hard for everyone but the 6-year-old, who has a very refined palate when it comes to treats — and has the fillings to prove it.