Going Dark

So, here's the thing: I'm actually starting to repel people.

And, I'm not the Man Repeller — it's not my goal to repel. But followers are taking the time to actually "un"follow me (as a testament to my lack of computeriness, I don't even know how to do that). Perhaps I am the Bizarro Sally Fields ("You DON'T like me! You really don't!).

And to show just how tired my media references are, along with the Sally Fields one I'm gonna use one from the defunct TV show "24" — I'm goin' dark.

I need to figure out what this blog is, what it should be, if it should be.

When I started two years ago — because my lovely friend MADE me by setting everything up and giving me no excuses — I thought it would give me a chance to dip my toes into the Internet waters, broaden my writing horizons. After all, my day job is as a newspaper journalist. Once they figure out how to line bird and guinea pig cages with non-newspaper substances, my career is kaput.

This thing was supposed to be mostly a food and fashion blog but sometimes included mommy musings (my other day/night job). I'm not a top fashionista (one of my least favorite words, along with rectal). There are infinitely more stylish ladies out there. Mostly, I thought I could offer tips on shopping, which I can do very, very well. Or, at the very least, offer something a little bit funny.

I figured what I lacked in flash — I don't have a professional photographer at my disposal and I'm not photogenic enough to put myself in multiple photos — I could make up for in sheer volume. I haven't missed a blog entry in months, maybe even a year.

So, I dunno. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll get my groove back. Maybe I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Cue old movie reference.... I can't figure it all out tonight, sir, so I'm just gonna hang with your daughter.

Friday Shoe Haiku — Bootie Call

Electric and gas
But espadrille and bootie?
Now that's a hybrid!

Shoe n' Tell: As part of its ongoing effort to completely tic me off with things I can't afford or even find, Lucky magazine featured a cool linen and leather version of Banana Republic's Corgie pumps. Nowhere to be found. The in-store sales people don't even know what I'm talking about. So far they appear to only be available in suede and that just doesn't seem the least bit springish to me. So, these Enzo Anglioni Darwyn booties are my substitute.

Back On The Wagon

OK, so yesterday I confessed to using (and loving) a non-green lip gloss. Well, today's posting is my, um, meakeup culpa.

I'm climbing back up onto the wagon with some Josie Maran lip gloss.

Got the Brilliance shade (a slightly shimmery pink) with the limited edition Argan Naturally Sunkissed Bronzing Collection ($48) that I recently ordered. Whew. That was a lot to type.

Anyway, the Sephora kit is a great value, and if you throw in the $2, on-sale toenail clippers, you can score free shipping toe. I mean, too.

While other natural lip glosses I've tried have added nice sheen, they're not especially longlasting. In fact one tube (I'm talking to you, Alba Botanica Terra Gloss) actually felt like it was sucking the moisture out of my lips. But, the Josie Maran gloss painted on nicely, shined up the ol' kisser and has some impressive staying power.

Sephora reviewers were fairly brutal about the brush applicator that comes with the gloss. Aside from it being kinda hard, it didn't shed or cause any other problems.

JM also has a good range of colors, too. It's worth a try, especially as part of that kit because then you score some of that amazing Bronzing Argan Oil.

Falling Off The Wagon

Did you just hear that thud?

Yeah, that would be me falling off the green bandwagon.

After a Herculean effort to clean out the makeup case in favor of non-toxic cosmetics, my friend gifted me with a Wonder Woman lip glass in "Wonder Woman" from Mac's latest, special, limited edition collection. Just...can't......resist.

And you know what? It's pretty awesome.

The ingredient list really isn't that bad and the rich, deep-pink shade is a great way to brighten up the face. It is really long-lasting, too. After chowing down a fat piece of raisin-bread toast, the lip glass was still intact — even though a piece of raisin was still stuck in my teeth. I have to say, in my personal green-cleaning experience, the natural lip glosses have mostly been only so-so (except for one — stay tuned).

Even my green gurus — authors Siobhan O'Connor and Alexandra Spunt of "No More Dirty Looks" — say you don't have to throw everything out. Their advice is to use what you want, just know what's in it and what you're buying.

Wonder Wha?

Oy.

Look what they've done to Wonder Woman.

Apparently my favorite heroine is getting a makeover for a TV do-over. I'm beside myself.

First of all, this costume rules out I will ever, ever be Wonder Woman for Halloween. Second, that is just a painfully ugly outfit, period. Exercise a little restraint, costume designer. Metallic should never be head-to-toe. Duh. What about an uglier shade of blue? Third, no one can ever be the equal of Lynda Carter.

My husband, who can be amusing when he's not forgetting to put his breakfast dishes into the dishwasher EVERY DAMN MORNING, offered his two (well, maybe one and a half) cents:

Wonder if they're real?
Wonder who paints that uniform on every morning? Is it Aquaman?
Wonder where she keeps the keys to her invisible plane? (Or are they also invisible?)
Wonder who she is?

Know When To Fold 'Em

All my sunglasses are oversized, which means they're sentenced to the bulkiest cases ever. Doesn't make it so easy to downsize the handbag, I'll tell ya that.

The prospect of this pair of foldable (!) Raybans has me positively giddy. The $154.95 price tag does not.

Check out the video and watch those suckers collapse into a neat little package that can probably squeeze into a pocket, or, at the very least, a little clutch.

Friday Shoe Haiku — Cheap is Good

Åt first I said no
But then I could not resist
Twenty dollar shoes.

Shoe n' Tell: These Isabel Toledo for Payless shoes were marked down half price to $20. For that, I'll buy just about anything.

Not Such A Tees

A plain gray tee for work?

The way Nordstrom styles it, yes.

The department store revamped its Website not too long ago and part of the upgrade includes vignettes of well-styled outfits, featuring high-priced items available there, of course.

From the home page, click on "Conversation" and there you'll find some ideas to steal.

My fave look on the Tees At Work piece is the Marc by Marc Jacobs ensemble pictured here. The standard tee layered over a fun, striped dress gussies up a basic quite nicely — and that look is way better than the dress on its own. Really.

Mama Needs A Brand-New Bag

Actually, a tote is what I need.

Well, let me rephrase — I have tons of totes, but what I don't have is one that would look acceptable schlepping around in public.

There are a lot of purty ones out there. To wit:

• Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent "Caine" Army tote ($305). Sigh. Why does this have to cost more than two weeks' worth of groceries? The detailing elevates it from other boxy, plain-Jane totes. It even has interior and exterior pockets, a must with something that you'd throw everything into and then have to find.

• See by Chloe "Tieta" Carryall ($175). Hmmm, well, maybe the price isn't as horrifying if you divide by two and think that you're getting two bags since this one is reversible.

• Faux Hermes Birkin ($35). Some things in life I will just never do — like jump out of a plane or ever own an Hermes bag. This cheeky canvas tote, with a real Birkin printed on it, is cute and quite funny. It's too bad that Hermes doesn't have a sense of humor — it's reportedly suing the manufacturers for ripping off its design. How come designers never go for that old saying about imitation being the sincerest form of flattery? Wonder if Posh Spice owns one of these.

Sexy To A Tee

This Monrow faux bustier tee is the perfect sexy-without-being-trollopy top.

You don't have to to be doing a slow ooze out of your halter (yes, Snooki, we're talkin' to you) to look hot. In fact, that overstuffed sausage look gives the total opposite effect.

Despite its leopard print and faux sweetheart bustier, this tee is quite demure. I mean, just look at the model — she's not overly endowed but she looks pretty flippin' hot. So, here's the question: Can it go to the office or is it strictly date night?

I'm thinkin' with a full skirt and perhaps a ladylike cardi to tone it down some more, it could, well, work for work.

Speaking of Target.....

No doubt with that huge re-release of the Go International designer collabs the fashion-minded have Target on the brain.

Our gutter Target had nary a Go dress. No surprise there. Once the dresses did pop up online, I talked myself out of each and every one that I had my eye on. And, I'm OK with that.

Here's a shopping tip for ya. Whether or not you grab up anything from this latest Go-round (ha), do yourself a favor — hit a bricks-and-mortar store and give yourself some time to linger through the clearance racks. You never know what you'll find.

Months ago, some seriously cute Tucker pieces were still hanging around with that wickedly awesome red-stickered tag. After that, William Rast was discounted even more than it is online right now. A few days ago, I snagged a Converse open-front cardi for $6 — down from $25. It's cute, a good trend piece and I can wad it up and throw it in my bag — just in case the air conditioning is too high — and not feel the least bit sad if it gets pen or drool on it. Either can happen in my house.

Good Idea/Bad Idea

So, you want the good or the bad first? Let's start off on a positive note, shall we?

I'd go so far as to upgrade foam haircolor from good to GREAT. Many brands are rolling out the latest, greatest step-up in DIY haircare. I just tried some John Frieda stuff. I got it for free because I have no shame and I sign myself up for whatever goodies I can. This was either an InStyle or People Stylewatch trial. Hard to be sure.

For straight, single-color processing, I don't know why anyone would spend the money in a salon. Well, I take that back, going from dark to blonde is definitely a job for professionals. But, if you have dark brown hair that's impossible to screw up (like me), a $12 (or less) bottle is the way to go. More money for Internet shopping!

The Frieda coloring came with the scariest disclaimer I've ever read. It was so disturbing, in fact, that I almost really did do a patch test. The foam isn't nearly as noxious smelling as other products I've tried. It was easy to use, and because of the thickness, I didn't have to worry about it running down my face or neck. Plus, those sleek black rubber gloves were sick. I'd spend my own money on it.

And now, the bad.

Have you seen the ads for Kotex U? You tell me this wasn't dreamed up by some male executive, well over 40, thinking he's all hip and can relate to the young, menstruating chicks. So wrong for so many reasons.

Perhaps the first is the use of 'u' — not short for university, but for YOU. See? Doesn't that reek of over-the-hill uncoolness. Can you hear the exec in the pitch meeting? "You see, we use the letter 'u' because that's what all the kids do these days with their text messaging and My Spice and Factbook!"

And, I'm sorry, but having a period really, really sucks. You feel like crap, you bleed like crazy, and yes it's great that we women can bear children, yada yada yada, but for a huge chunk of our lives, we go through this awful monthly ordeal. Slapping a black cover on hygiene products and wrapping them in day-glo colored plastic does not make me feel better about the situation. I hate this marketing so much that I won't get a free sample. Is this the bitchy ranting of someone who had a pill mishap and is now on week 2 of her period?!? You betcha.

Land of the Free (Sample)

One of the truly great things about America is the free samples.

Companies are quick to shell out the free stuff in the hopes that you'll pony up cash for the real deal. Witness Costco on a Saturday afternoon. You could enjoy an actual buffet during a shopping run. Sephora is the same way — go to the store, and you can walk out with free samples of all kinds of goodies.

I'm a big believer in try-before-you-buy, especially with big-ticket beauty products. During my last visit, I picked up a sample of Josie Maran Bronzing Argan Oil ($52). It's received tons of glowing (ha!) reviews, and rightly so.

Argan oil is supposed to be one of the eight wonders for skin, so that's a plus. Maran kicks the beauty product into must-have territory by turning it into a bronzer. It's pretty — dark, shimmery and flecked with gold when you stare at it in the sample container. Smooth on a teensy bit, and you're skin looks genuinely sun-kissed, without the threat of melanoma. It's a pricey product, but it'd last forever. I'm fairly sure I can stretch my sample out for months.

Friday Shoe Haiku — So Many Choices

I have ignored you
Because your stuff snores — no more!
Go, go Banana!


Shoe n' Tell: Years ago, good ol' Banana Republic was my favorite store. Loved, loved, loved. Then, we hit a cooling off stage, as I do with most mass-market retailers (Gap, J Crew). I happened to cruise BR's shoe page the other day, though, and holy moly! Cute stuff. Now gimme a coupon code.
Pictured:
• Lumi lace-up bootie ($160).
• Corgie open-toe zipper bootie ($140).
•Laline cut-out wedge ($140).

Going Dark

So, here's the thing: I'm actually starting to repel people.

And, I'm not the Man Repeller — it's not my goal to repel. But followers are taking the time to actually "un"follow me (as a testament to my lack of computeriness, I don't even know how to do that). Perhaps I am the Bizarro Sally Fields ("You DON'T like me! You really don't!).

And to show just how tired my media references are, along with the Sally Fields one I'm gonna use one from the defunct TV show "24" — I'm goin' dark.

I need to figure out what this blog is, what it should be, if it should be.

When I started two years ago — because my lovely friend MADE me by setting everything up and giving me no excuses — I thought it would give me a chance to dip my toes into the Internet waters, broaden my writing horizons. After all, my day job is as a newspaper journalist. Once they figure out how to line bird and guinea pig cages with non-newspaper substances, my career is kaput.

This thing was supposed to be mostly a food and fashion blog but sometimes included mommy musings (my other day/night job). I'm not a top fashionista (one of my least favorite words, along with rectal). There are infinitely more stylish ladies out there. Mostly, I thought I could offer tips on shopping, which I can do very, very well. Or, at the very least, offer something a little bit funny.

I figured what I lacked in flash — I don't have a professional photographer at my disposal and I'm not photogenic enough to put myself in multiple photos — I could make up for in sheer volume. I haven't missed a blog entry in months, maybe even a year.

So, I dunno. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll get my groove back. Maybe I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Cue old movie reference.... I can't figure it all out tonight, sir, so I'm just gonna hang with your daughter.

Wavy Beach Hair (The Cheater Version)

Here's the irony in throwing up a post about a hair gizmo — I've gone low-maintenance. As in, I've been skipping the blow dryer.

This is a huge deal. I'm typically quite high maintenance when it comes to my appearance. Not that I look it, but I spent a fair amount of time on the whole hair-and-makeup routine. And, I especially spend a ton o' time under my tourmaline dryer.

We're joined at the hip, or at least the follicles. I love that dryer dearly.

But, air drying saves me from spending a good half hour underneath the thing. Plus, without that loud noise, I can hear the other loud noises (read: children) that need attention and fast because something gets broken or catches on fire or both.

Sometimes — only sometimes — my hair actually looks better au naturel. But, because nothing can be completely easy, my hair is usually half wavy and half not. On those days when that bugs me, I whip out the Tigi Bedhead
Deep Waver ($29.99). It is pretty darn cool.

That triple barrel action presses waves into the uncooperative sections but doesn't make hair look as done as a single-barrel curling iron does. The result is loose, easy waves that look pretty natural.

And, if I play my cards right, I don't even have to do my hair the next day.

P.S. I Made This Crap

This Proenza Schouler rope bracelet is an eye-catcher, for sure. And, it costs a cool 150 smackers. But isn't it just nylon cord? Couldn't I do that?

I attempted it. Two trips — one to Ace Hardware for nylon cord and one to Joann for decorative carabiners and silk cord — later and I had this. Oh, plus I stripped a gift bag of one of its handles — that ended up being the purple middle since I couldn't ever figure out how I'd wrap/attach the yellow braided nylon cord that I also bought from Ace.

I don't think Proenza Schouler will be hiring me any time soon. But, an itch was scratched — for about $10.

If you think you want to attempt it, do a much better job at measuring your wrist than I did. This ended up more bangle-like, which actually is a good thing. It's hard to undo a carabiner one-handed.

How to do it:
• Get a length of nylon cord. Figure out how long you want it, and cut it (regular scissors slice through just fine).
• Using a butane lighter, fuse the ends of the cord together (this is a two-person job).
• Wrap silk cord at both ends and just tie it in the back.
• Use another cord to wrap around the middle. I just tucked the ends under the wrap.
• Add a few decorative silk cords on either side of the middle.

Ta da. ;)

Look, Ma! No Jeans...

The April People Stylewatch — my favorite mag (sorry, Lucky) — says that 10 percent of its readers own more than 20 pairs of jeans.

Um, I would be of that 10 percent.

I love denim in all its many forms — skinny, straight, flared, cropped, jegging, boyfriend. Jeans are fashion perfection. I even junked my remaining few pairs of J Crew khakis after coming to terms with the fact that they are painfully boring.

One of my few non-jean pants, though, still has decidedly denim styling — but with a good twist. Quite literally. The side seams on these Bishop of Seventh pants curve, making them slimming. The flap pockets are also a cool touch. Love the way the lightweight, fluid fabric drapes, too.

Outfit: Splendid cardi; Daftbird tee; Madewell necklace; Cynthia Vincent for Target gladiators.

What Were They Thinking....Continued

So, what exactly are these pants saying? That your lady parts are angelic?

Um, pass.

What Were They Thinking: Volume 3

Spotted this recently on a sample sale site. Perhaps the most shocking part — it was sold out.

The first sign that this is a questionable clothing item (aside from the fact that it's a jumper), is that the brand name is Improvd. Whenever letters are missing (or a 'z' substitutes for an 's'), that is a bad thing.

Ooooh La Leopard

Done well, leopard — well, animal print in general — is a wonderful thing. It's timeless, a bit sexy and always on-trend. Always.

Leopard done poorly, well, it smacks of Frederick's of Hollywood. Read: cheap n' slutty.

There's plenty of leopard out there that's done well. Problem is, it'll cost ya.

• La Mer wrap watch, $82. I have a version of this with a black face and black leather that wraps with the leopard strap. Softest leather ever. And, it looks very, very expensive, but I bought it with a deliciously good discount code. Meeee-ow.

• Blu Moon militant jacket, $259. This is the piece that has me scouring the World Wide Shopping Web trying to find a cheaper version. Simply awesome.

• Lanvin ballet flats, $795. See, told you good leopard'll cost ya.

Friday Shoe Haiku....New Favorites

Buckles, leather, zip
These say, 'I'll kick your butt first...
And then take some names.'

Shoe n' Tell: Yes, it's uncool for a mom to choose favorites, but I can't help it — these Pour la Victoire wedges are the best, Jerry! The best! The leather really is smooth as butter, and the wedge isn't too high. It's got all my favorite bells and whistles — back zip, buckles, lace-up action — all in one cool package. And, it is a cool package with those nifty cut-outs on the side.

Fashion Has A Spicoli Moment

Duuuuuude.

Remember that Baja pullover Jeff Spicoli sported in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"? Well, it's back. In a big way.

Not only do the Olsen twins have a fetching, purple $165 number that's already out-of-stock on Revolveclothing.com but no less than Proenza Schouler has one, too. Total, please? $1,500. All together now......

Duuuuuuuude.

Back in high school, I'm pretty sure that my classmates who rocked these actually bought them in Mexico for about $1. They were thick as burlap sacks and looked wicked itchy, too. I'm sure these high-end versions are lined in cashmere, or something equally luxurious to justify those prices.

A New Jacket

I love boutique shopping.

Alas, I am not a kept woman, so I only get to boutique shop during massive sales. When local store W has its 75 percent off rack, I can't keep myself away.

Here's the gem I recently snapped up: a Monrow paneled jacket.

It's hard to tell in the photo, but the tuxedo-ish piece has shiny, satin-y pieces that form the collar and stretch across the shoulders. It looks dressy, but it's mostly knit so it's very comfy. That's my main hangup with more structured jackets — they feel like strait jackets because the material is so stiff and the shoulders don't move. Knit solves that problem quite nicely.

The outfit: Monrow jacket; white Splendid tank; AG legging jeans; Madewell chandelier necklace; Ash wedge sneakers.

Cuff 'em

So, I was thinking I wanted an ear cuff.

I know — kinda edgy for a mother of three, huh?

I started obsessing over cuffs after spotting a too-cool-for-school, stylish girl with one. The artfully ombred ends of her wavy, second-day hair were pulled back enough to see a simple, silver dealio clipped onto the top of the ear. It had three plain rings all attached to a rectangle across the top of the ear.

Naturally, a frantic internet search was launched. But, where to find such a thing? I tried Forever XXI. No luck. Then I realized Etsy! But the more I looked, the more creepy these cuffs became.

There were cuffs that looked like bird claws and dragons and before long I was thinking, wait, cuffs are the sign of Satan! They are evil, demonic. At the very least, they're probably too young for me.

I did find a few, like this dainty wire cuff, that don't make me seem like the kind of person who drinks bunny blood for breakfast. But, now that I've seen all that gross stuff out there, cuffs might be tainted for me now. Plus, they seem like they have the potential to be pinchy.

Now, I'm on the fence. To cuff or not to cuff?