Stuff I Just Don't Get

There's a lot I don't understand in life — all forms of math, football, why junior high girls are so mean.
That's just for starters. Here are some other things that have been puzzling me of late:
• Harem pants. Really? Who looks cool in these. I think designers are messing with us...again. Notice how "harem" rhymes with "scare 'em"?
• Puffer vests. The everlasting image I have of them — no matter how much J Crew does to tweak them and make 'em hip — is Michael J. Fox in "Back to the Future."
• Nicole Richie. Seriously — why does she show up everywhere? And, while I conceded she may be wearing a cool outfit, she always looks hungry. Like she'd eat a donkey in one sitting.
• Jon and Kate Gosselin. If we ignore them, they will go away. I swear. Then, perhaps, maybe their kids — in private — can get on to dealing with two incredibly selfish parents.